Rachel Alexander 03 - A Hell of a Dog

program.”
    “Who’s speaking in Audrey’s place?”
    “Rick said he would. He’s very sweet. But he’s such a boring speaker. I was hoping to slip him in later in the week.”
    “It’s after lunch, Sam, half the audience will fall asleep anyway. More than half if he’s really dull.”
    “Audrey would have kept them up. Even if you don’t buy a word she says, she’s so entertaining. And she gets everyone to participate.”
    “You mean the whole audience will be sitting there with handkerchiefs over their heads, chanting?”
    “Exactly. Try sleeping with that going on. But it’s not only that. She tells these sad, charming, funny stories about what the animals tell her is wrong with their lives. None of it is their own fault. It’s all human error. People lap it up. It gives them somewhere to put their free-floating guilt. Anyway, now Rick has the afternoon, which means he and Beryl will be together for the question period. You know how she is, she’s so overbearing, she won’t let him say a word.”
    “I wouldn’t worry about it, Sam. It’ll be good for Rick to tangle with Godzilla.”
    I smiled wickedly at the thought. So did Sam.
    “Maybe you’re right,” she said. “At least that part will be lively. I know I’m fretting too much. It’s just that talking to Elizabeth was so draining.”
    “I can imagine. Any news about Alan?”
    “Detective Flowers came back when Elizabeth was here, in case she had any questions. And she did. She wanted to know everything. Flowers was totally straight with her. She said that unfortunately Alan had been conscious during the mishap. That’s what she called it, the mishap. She said the fall hadn’t knocked him out. It only knocked the radio in.” She made a face. “She also said his hand was on the faucet, that he might have been trying to right himself and get back up, but that that was what made the current go through his heart. Otherwise he might have survived die shock.“
    “So it was definitely an accident?” I asked her.
    “What else?” she said, lowering her voice and looking at me seriously. “Rachel, you don’t think—”
    “No, no, it’s just that he wasn’t alone last night”
    “Who was?” she said. “And whatever difference could that make? Rachel, the man’s dead. And everyone screws around at these things. It’s expected, you know, it’s one of the perks. People like to get away from the routines of their life. What harm does it do, a little flirting, a little fling at a seminar? It doesn’t hurt anyone.”
    “The way eating bacon out when you keep a kosher home doesn’t count?” I said, a little edge in my voice perhaps. “Is that the theory? That God only watches when you’re at your legal home address?”
    What on earth was I so angry about? I wondered. No one was breaking down my door insisting I break any commandments with them. I was free to be just as moral—and lonely—as I pleased.
    “People are unhappy, Rachel.”
    Tell me about it, I thought, seeing again the look in Chip’s eyes when I turned down his invitation for a walk in the park. He’d looked as sad as a shelter dog.
    “They need a little treat once in a while,” she said, “a little pick-me-up. It doesn’t destroy their life at home. No one takes it seriously.”
    But some do, I thought. Some take it very seriously. Hadn’t my own brother-in-law, burdened by guilt from his little pick-me-ups, confessed much too much to his unsuspecting wife, neatly transferring the anvil of pain from his shoulders to hers?
    I stuck my hand into my pocket and for a moment wondered if one other person had taken things seriously, the person whose underwear was now in my hand.
    “Sam, did you ever book Alan in Phoenix?”
    “Phoenix? Yes, last fall, October. What makes you ask?”
    “Oh, no special reason. It’s just that I overheard Audrey talking about someone she’d been with in Phoenix that she might be with again here. That’s all.”
    “Rachel, it was an accident. That’s what the police said. Please keep in mind that any other conclusion could ruin me. Anyway, most of them have been in Phoenix. What you heard, it didn’t mean anything. And if you do find out who was there with Alan, then what?”
    “I only wanted to return these,” I said, holding my pocket open so that Sam could see what was inside.
    “There they are,” she said, slipping her hand into my pocket and gathering the bikinis into her fist.
    My mouth opened, but nothing