Rachel Alexander 09 - Without a Word

too,” I said. The car had passed, but Dashiell and I were still on that comer.
    “What’s that?” he asked.
    “I need you to call Ms. Peach and request a complete copy of Madison’s records. Everything in the file.”
    “Okay.”
    “I’m pretty sure she’ll ask you to put it in writing, Leon.”
    “I’ll take care of it.”
    “I need it tomorrow. I’ll need to get it from you when I come to drop off Dashiell. If she says she can’t do it that fast, you’re going to have to insist she does. Is that a problem?”
    “What are you looking for?”
    “I’m not sure,” I said. “Sometimes you don’t know what you’re looking for until you find it.”
    The truth was, I wasn’t looking for anything at all. I was hoping I’d be able to give the envelope to Sally, to let Madison’s medical records do some of the talking for me. But I didn’t want to say that to Leon, not now, not before I knew what I was going to find when I got to Florida.
    “There’s one more thing, Leon. I need your approval to spend some money. The reason I’ve asked you to take Dashiell is that I’m going to be out of town for a few days doing some research.”
    “On the case?”
    “It’s a really old lead,” I told him. “Not much chance I’ll find anything helpful, but I figured you’d want me to . . .“
    There was a silence on the line. I heard the phone hit the desk, as if it had been dropped. I waited, but nothing happened. I couldn’t hear Leon walking away. He might have been wearing sneakers. Or socks, kicking off his shoes the minute he walked in the door the way I always did. Or he might have been standing right there, afraid to hear what else I might have to say, afraid not to hear it, too.
    “What have you found out?” he asked.
    “I know it’s asking a lot, Leon, but I’m asking you not to ask. I’m asking you to trust me on this. Please. Just let me do my job and tell you things when I’m ready, when it’s right to do so.”
    There was another silence. Then, “You found her?“
    “No,” I said. I crossed the street, turned left, Dashiell staying close. The last thing on earth I wanted was to tell him what I’d learned tonight, not yet anyway, maybe not ever. “I didn’t find her. But I’m still working on it.”
    “Then. . .“
    “The records, the trip, it’s all part of the research I need to do. I can’t say yet if anything will pan out. If the money’s a problem, I’ll—”
    “No. It’s not about the money. Spend whatever you have to. And tell me when you can. I’ve waited this long,” he said, “I guess I can...“ I waited for the end of the sentence but it didn’t come.
    “Thanks, Leon. I know this isn’t easy.” I was heading back to the cottage, no one else along the street I’d taken. “I’ll come by with Dashiell at around six, if that’s okay,” thinking I’d have to leave from there to get to the airport on time. “If you have any trouble getting Madison’s records . . .“
    ‘There won’t be any trouble.”
    “Swell. So I’ll see you then. I’ll have Dash and all his stuff with me. If it’s okay, I’d like to talk to Madison about taking care of Dash. She knows how to prepare his food and she seemed to like doing it,” thinking he ate better than she did, than most kids do, living on Happy Meals, sodas and processed food.
    “Sounds good. We’ll be here. I’ll tell Madison you’re coming and that Dashiell will be staying over. She’ll be pleased.”
    I was back at the cottage. I thanked Leon again and ended the call. Then I unlocked the gate, walking into the tunnel, locking the gate behind me.
    It was late and it was cold out, but instead of going inside, I sat on the stone steps while Dashiell investigated a pile of dead leaves in the far comer of the garden. Madison’s room had been painted as if it were underwater, the fish circling her bed and desk and dresser the brightly colored ones you’d see if you were snorkeling, red and yellow and blue, nothing like anywhere else. Despite the chill in the air, I sat there a long time thinking about Madison’s room, about her mother’s past, about what I was hoping I might find in Florida.
    Even when I went inside, sleep was out of the question for a long time. I packed a small bag, tucking Madison’s picture of her mother carefully into the zippered pocket. I took my new digital camera, small enough to fit into my jacket pocket. I packed a bathing suit, too. If I found the place I was