Rant
smooth and tanned, all that fuss just to appear in a gang-bang porn video.”
Wax steered that Viper down a flight of those concrete stairs in the park, leaving a long trail of our exhaust system and suspension, saying, “Baby, I could just cry over those perfect manicured fingernails if they weren’t so fucking stupid.”
Shot Dunyun: No bullshit. If your car skids into oncoming traffic, and you die listening to The Archies sing “Sugar Sugar,” it’s your own damn laziness.
Lynn Coffey: Certain Party Crashers you could tell were Hit Men or Hit Women. If their vehicle was always pristine—even a Chevette or a Pinto, always showroom perfect and polished. If their decoration was minimal, nothing except the basic flag. And if they readily drove over curbs, sideswiped concrete traffic barriers. From that you could deduce their wheels had been someone’s dream gone awry. A lovely mistress or trophy the owner didn’t want another person to ever own.
Jarrell Moore: Other fouls you can call include tagging off-limits areas of the target. No T-boning—that’s a head-on impact against the side of your target. No angling to ram anywhere on the sidewalls between the front and rear axles.
Tina Something: For Rant and Wax, it irked them both that ancient mountains and forests were being sliced up to provide affordable granite countertops in tract houses, or Peruvian-rosewood dash panels in luxury cars no one would drive.
At some point, Wax mentioned how appalling it seemed that those brilliant minds who could invent miracle medicines and nuclear fission and dazzling computer special effects, they had such a complete lack of imagination when it came to spending their money: granite countertops and luxury cars. Talking about that stuff, Wax driving, the madder he got, you could watch the speedo creep up past eighty, ninety, a hundred.
Lynn Coffey: With Hit Men, perhaps with all Party Crashers, we’re describing a self-directed road rage.
Certain men may claim to adore women; they’ll marry a dozen times, then drive each wife to suicide with abuse. Karl Waxman felt that same way about those stolen luxury automobiles. He loved to speed along at seventy, all those jealous eyes turning to follow him, but he resented the fact he needed a Jaguar or a BMW to gain such recognition. That the automobile didn’t even belong to him was the ultimate insult. The supreme manifestation of all his self-perceived shortcomings.
Shot Dunyun: No bullshit, but I never leave the house without a mix for anything: Falling in love. Witnessing a death. Disappointment. Impatience. Traffic. I carry a mix for any human condition. Anything really good or bad happens to me, and my way to not overreact—like, to distance my emotions—is to locate the exact perfect sound track for that moment. Even the night Rant died, my automatic first thought was: Philip Glass’s Violin Concerto II, or Ravel’s Piano Concerto in G Major…?
Jarrell Moore: The way I figure it, the head individual in Party Crashing would have to tally fouls. Plus, keep track of teams by their license plate. Plus, name the flag and window for each game. Yeah, and notify all the players about upcoming events. If that’s only one guy, it’s a safe bet he’s pretty damn busy, and not just some thug. He’d need to be pretty damn bright.
Tina Something: Didn’t matter was it a Lexus or a Rolls-Royce, at the finish of every Party Crash date, Wax and me ended up at the top of the Madison Street boat ramp, the place where the ramp’s angled, steep, into deep water. Trailed behind us, cotter pins and Ujoint needle bearings, crankcase oil, brake fluid, and maybe slivers of carbon fiber. And smoke, gaddamn fog banks of black or blue smoke. Our drivetrain barely still functional.
I’d climb out and watch while Wax shifted down to first gear. With the engine still running, some nights, if nobody was around, he’d press the panic button on the alarm. What a gaddamn noise. The sirens and whatever lights we hadn’t already busted, they’d be flashing on and off. With the Mercedes or Lamborghini still flashing and screaming, Wax would step out and slam the door shut. The car already rolling down the boat ramp, nose-first, into the black water. Like watching an ocean liner sink. The Titanic. White and amber lights, horn blaring, even as the car settled deeper, under water, that trashed relic of somebody’s dream would keep wailing, flaring, fainter and fading, until it settled
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