Right Ho, Jeeves

was with you all the time at Cannes, was she?”
    “I don’t suppose she said two words to anybody else, except, of course, idle conv. at the crowded dinner table or a chance remark in a throng at the Casino.”
    “I see. You mean that anything in the shape of mixed bathing and moonlight strolls she conducted solely in your company?”
    “That’s right. It was quite a joke in the hotel.”
    “You must have enjoyed that.”
    “Oh, rather. I’ve always been devoted to Angela.”
    “Oh, yes?”
    “When we were kids, she used to call herself my little sweetheart.”
    “She did?”
    “Absolutely.”
    “I see.”
    He sat plunged in thought, while I, glad to have set his mind at rest, proceeded with my tea. And presently there came the banging of a gong from the hall below, and he started like a war horse at the sound of the bugle.
    “Breakfast!” he said, and was off to a flying start, leaving me to brood and ponder. And the more I brooded and pondered, the more did it seem to me that everything now looked pretty smooth. Tuppy, I could see, despite that painful scene in the larder, still loved Angela with all the old fervour.
    This meant that I could rely on that plan to which I had referred to bring home the bacon. And as I had found the way to straighten out the Gussie-Bassett difficulty, there seemed nothing more to worry about.
    It was with an uplifted heart that I addressed Jeeves as he came in to remove the tea tray.

    -13-
    “Jeeves,” I said.
    “Sir?”
    “I’ve just been having a chat with young Tuppy, Jeeves. Did you happen to notice that he wasn’t looking very roguish this morning?’
    “Yes, sir. It seemed to me that Mr. Glossop’s face was sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought.”
    “Quite. He met my cousin Angela in the larder last night, and a rather painful interview ensued.”
    “I am sorry, sir.”
    “Not half so sorry as he was. She found him closeted with a steak-and-kidney pie, and appears to have been a bit caustic about fat men who lived for food alone.”
    “Most disturbing, sir.”
    “Very. In fact, many people would say that things had gone so far between these two nothing now could bridge the chasm. A girl who could make cracks about human pythons who ate nine or ten meals a day and ought to be careful not to hurry upstairs because of the danger of apoplectic fits is a girl, many people would say, in whose heart love is dead. Wouldn’t people say that, Jeeves?”
    “Undeniably, sir.”
    “They would be wrong.”
    “You think so, sir?”
    “I am convinced of it. I know these females. You can’t go by what they say.”
    “You feel that Miss Angela’s strictures should not be taken too much _an pied de la lettre_, sir?”
    “Eh?”
    “In English, we should say ‘literally’.”
    “Literally. That’s exactly what I mean. You know what girls are. A tiff occurs, and they shoot their heads off. But underneath it all the old love still remains. Am I correct?”
    “Quite correct, sir. The poet Scott–-”
    “Right ho, Jeeves.”
    “Very good, sir.”
    “And in order to bring that old love whizzing to the surface once more, all that is required is the proper treatment.”
    “By ‘proper treatment,’ sir, you mean–-”
    “Clever handling, Jeeves. A spot of the good old snaky work. I see what must be done to jerk my Cousin Angela back to normalcy. I’ll tell you, shall I?”
    “If you would be so kind, sir.”
    I lit a cigarette, and eyed him keenly through the smoke. He waited respectfully for me to unleash the words of wisdom. I must say for Jeeves that—till, as he is so apt to do, he starts shoving his oar in and cavilling and obstructing—he makes a very good audience. I don’t know if he is actually agog, but he looks agog, and that’s the great thing.
    “Suppose you were strolling through the illimitable jungle, Jeeves, and happened to meet a tiger cub.”
    “The contingency is a remote one, sir.”
    “Never mind. Let us suppose it.”
    “Very good, sir.”
    “Let us now suppose that you sloshed that tiger cub, and let us suppose further that word reached its mother that it was being put upon. What would you expect the attitude of that mother to be? In what frame of mind do you consider that that tigress would approach you?”
    “I should anticipate a certain show of annoyance, sir.”
    “And rightly. Due to what is known as the maternal instinct, what?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Very good, Jeeves. We will now suppose that there