Right Ho, Jeeves

proceeding further, there was one thing that had got to be understood between us, and understood clearly.
    “Jeeves,” I said, “a word with you.”
    “Sir?”
    “I am up against it a bit, Jeeves.”
    “I am sorry to hear that, sir. Can I be of any assistance?”
    “Quite possibly you can, if you have not lost your grip. Tell me frankly, Jeeves, are you in pretty good shape mentally?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Still eating plenty of fish?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Then it may be all right. But there is just one point before I begin. In the past, when you have contrived to extricate self or some pal from some little difficulty, you have frequently shown a disposition to take advantage of my gratitude to gain some private end. Those purple socks, for instance. Also the plus fours and the Old Etonian spats. Choosing your moment with subtle cunning, you came to me when I was weakened by relief and got me to get rid of them. And what I am saying now is that if you are successful on the present occasion there must be no rot of that description about that mess-jacket of mine.”
    “Very good, sir.”
    “You will not come to me when all is over and ask me to jettison the jacket?”
    “Certainly not, sir.”
    “On that understanding then, I will carry on. Jeeves, I’m engaged.”
    “I hope you will be very happy, sir.”
    “Don’t be an ass. I’m engaged to Miss Bassett.”
    “Indeed, sir? I was not aware–-”
    “Nor was I. It came as a complete surprise. However, there it is. The official intimation was in that note you brought me.”
    “Odd, sir.”
    “What is?”
    “Odd, sir, that the contents of that note should have been as you describe. It seemed to me that Miss Bassett, when she handed me the communication, was far from being in a happy frame of mind.”
    “She is far from being in a happy frame of mind. You don’t suppose she really wants to marry me, do you? Pshaw, Jeeves! Can’t you see that this is simply another of those bally gestures which are rapidly rendering Brinkley Court a hell for man and beast? Dash all gestures, is my view.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Well, what’s to be done?”
    “You feel that Miss Bassett, despite what has occurred, still retains a fondness for Mr. Fink-Nottle, sir?”
    “She’s pining for him.”
    “In that case, sir, surely the best plan would be to bring about a reconciliation between them.”
    “How? You see. You stand silent and twiddle the fingers. You are stumped.”
    “No, sir. If I twiddled my fingers, it was merely to assist thought.”
    “Then continue twiddling.”
    “It will not be necessary, sir.”
    “You don’t mean you’ve got a bite already?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “You astound me, Jeeves. Let’s have it.”
    “The device which I have in mind is one that I have already mentioned to you, sir.”
    “When did you ever mention any device to me?”
    “If you will throw your mind back to the evening of our arrival, sir. You were good enough to inquire of me if I had any plan to put forward with a view to bringing Miss Angela and Mr. Glossop together, and I ventured to suggest–-”
    “Good Lord! Not the old fire-alarm thing?”
    “Precisely, sir.”
    “You’re still sticking to that?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    It shows how much the ghastly blow I had received had shaken me when I say that, instead of dismissing the proposal with a curt “Tchah!” or anything like that, I found myself speculating as to whether there might not be something in it, after all.
    When he had first mooted this fire-alarm scheme of his, I had sat upon it, if you remember, with the maximum of promptitude and vigour. “Rotten” was the adjective I had employed to describe it, and you may recall that I mused a bit sadly, considering the idea conclusive proof of the general breakdown of a once fine mind. But now it somehow began to look as if it might have possibilities. The fact of the matter was that I had about reached the stage where I was prepared to try anything once, however goofy.
    “Just run through that wheeze again, Jeeves,” I said thoughtfully. “I remember thinking it cuckoo, but it may be that I missed some of the finer shades.”
    “Your criticism of it at the time, sir, was that it was too elaborate, but I do not think it is so in reality. As I see it, sir, the occupants of the house, hearing the fire bell ring, will suppose that a conflagration has broken out.”
    I nodded. One could follow the train of thought.
    “Yes, that seems