Science of Discworld III

down the paper. ‘And these are the more sensible causes.’
    ‘The stone dropping out of the sky was sensible?’ said Ridcully.
    ‘Compared to the attack of the giant squid, Archchancellor, I would say so,’ said Ponder. ‘And the enormous waterspout. And the shipwreck off the coast of Norway.’
    ‘Well, ships do get wrecked,’ said the Dean.
    ‘Yes, sir. But the country known as Norway is in the wrong direction. The Beagle would only get there by sailing backwards. Hex isright, sir. This is insane. The moment that we decided to change one simple little history, the whole of the universe is trying to stop the voyage happening! And mathematically speaking, this is illegal!’
    Ponder thumped the table, his face red. The senior wizards shied. This was as unnerving as hearing a sheep roar.
    ‘My word!’ said Ridcully. ‘Is it?’
    ‘Yes! There must be room in phase space for the possibility that Origin gets written! It’s not against the physical laws of this universe!’
    ‘That a young inexperienced man takes a voyage around this world and has an insight that changes mankind’s view of itself?’ said the Dean. ‘You must admit it looks a bit unlikely – sorry, sorry, sorry!’ He backed away as Ponder advanced.
    ‘One of the biggest religions on Roundworld was founded by a carpenter’s son!’ Ponder snarled. ‘For years , the most powerful person on the planet was an actor! There’s got to be room for Darwin!’
    He stamped back to the table and picked up a handful of papers. ‘Look at this stuff! “Darwin bitten by poisonous spider … Darwin savaged by kangaroo … stung by jellyfish … eaten by shark … Beagle found floating, table laid for a meal, this time in a different ocean, still no one on board … Darwin struck by lightning … killed by volcanic activity … Beagle sunk by freak wave” … does anyone expect us to believe this for one minute ?’
    There was a ringing silence.
    ‘I can see this is worrying you, Mr Stibbons,’ said Ridcully.
    ‘Well, yes, I mean, yes , it’s so … wrong! The multiverse is not supposed to change the rules. Anything that’s possible to happen has a universe for it to happen in! I mean, here , yes, the rules can be bent in all kinds of ways, but in Roundworld there’s no one to bend them!’
    ‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Rincewind. The other wizards turned, amazed at this revelation.
    ‘Yes?’ said Ponder.
    ‘Why not just take it for granted that someone is out to get you?’ said Rincewind. ‘That’s what I do. Don’t bother to work out the finedetail. Look, when you first started to tinker, it was all going to be plain sailing, right? Make a few little adjustments, pinch a fish, and it’d all be OK? But now there are nearly fifteen hundred new reasons—’
    With a rattle, Hex’s writing desk started up. The pens wrote:
    +++ 3563 reasons now +++
    ‘They’re breeding!’ said Ridcully.
    ‘There you are, then,’ said Rincewind, almost cheerfully. ‘Something down there is frightened. It’s so frightened that it’s not even going to let him get on the boat. I mean, he has to take the voyage whatever book he writes, isn’t that right!’
    ‘Yes, of course,’ said Ponder. Theology of Species gets taken seriously because it’s written by a renowned and respected scientist whose research was meticulous. So was The Origin . Either way, he needs to be on that boat. But the moment we take an interest, the voyage doesn’t happen!’
    ‘Then if it was me, I’d say that something’s got really worried,’ said Rincewind. ‘They don’t mind if The Ology doesn’t get written in just one universe, but they hate the idea of The Origin being written at all .’
    ‘Oh, really ?’ said Ridcully. ‘The nerve! I am the master of this college, and that –’ he pointed to the little globe ‘– is university property! Now I’m getting angry. We’re going to fight back, Mr Stibbons!’
    ‘I don’t think you can fight a whole universe, sir!’
    ‘It’s the prerogative of every life form, Mr Stibbons!’
    Gales roared for three weeks. Roundworld time was mutable for the wizards; it only affected them if they wanted it to.
    Something or someone didn’t want the Beagle to sail, and they could influence the weather. They could influence anything. But of them, there was still no sign.
    The Dean watched the storm in the big omniscope in the HEM.
    ‘That’s what happened when Darwin gets on board in this universe,’ said