Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

could make it from day to day if I could just hear his voice. If I could just hear my song.

Chapter Eighteen
    JAX
    Sadie’s mom had had her baby. Ms. Mary said Sadie was back in school and that she was still working at the job she’d secured her. What worried me was that Ms. Mary had mentioned that she hadn’t heard from Sadie in a couple of weeks. She knew juggling a job and school was probably hard on Sadie, and she’d said not to worry about it. She’d check in with Sadie soon if she hadn’t made contact.
    I’d wanted to ask her about Marcus, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure I could handle the answer. If Sadie had moved on, it would break me. I was holding on by a thread right now. These little bits and pieces I got from Ms. Mary were all I had to live on.
    SADIE
    Sam didn’t sleep at night. He slept wonderfully during the day while I worked, but in the evenings he stayed awake. Jessica seemed to be in some sort of depression, and when I came in the door, she handed Sam to me and went into her room and cried. Ms. Mary said this was normal. Jessica suffered from the “baby blues,” so I didn’t worry about it too much, except I wasn’t getting any sleep. Jessica slept all night, and if I tried to wake her, she burst into tears. When she cried, Sam cried, so I just left her alone.
    He and I bonded during this time. I talked to him about everything I couldn’t say to anyone else. I told him about life with Jessica and how he would love her, but how he should not ever expect a normal mom. I assured him that he’d be fine because I would always be there if he needed me. I told him about Jax. I emptied my soul to a newborn baby, but it made it easier to breathe freely again when I talked about Jax. Sam cooed and smiled and kicked. He liked for me to talk, so I did. I made him happy, and it helped me cope.
    No matter how special these times in the wee hours of the morning were, it still wore on me. I fought the urge to crawl up in a corner at work and sleep. Some nights Sam slept two hours at a time if I put him beside my bed. The next day I always functioned better having had at least five hours’ sleep. Jessica and I didn’t talk much. When I came home, she went into her room to cry and listen to eighties music. I always took Sam to her before I left each morning, fed and with a clean diaper and clothes on. I called her from work and reminded her about feeding time because she just didn’t seem to have it together. I was starting to get nervous about leaving him at home with her, but I reminded myself she was the mom, not me.
    School started back. Marcus had left two weeks before, and I’d stood in the yard and waved as he drove away. At first I’d panicked because I worried about what would happen if I found myself back in the dark blanket. But then I remembered Sam, and Jessica’s unstable behavior, and I knew that scenario could not happen. I had someone to take care of now. I couldn’t lose it again. My life no longer belonged to me. Sometimes it seemed like my time with Jax had happened in another lifetime. But then the memories of his smile and his laugh reminded me of how close we had been to happiness.
    I sighed, grabbed my book bag, and gazed down at Sam, sound asleep. I stood my door open and left him in the bassinet by my bed. I opened Jessica’s door, and she turned and stared at me with swollen red eyes.
    “I’m going to be late if I don’t go. I fed him an hour ago, and he has on a clean diaper. He is asleep in my room.” I stopped there and forced myself not to give her any directions on taking care of her child.
    She yawned and stretched. “All right, thanks, Sadie. I know I have needed you a lot lately. I just can’t seem to get it together.” She sounded almost wounded.
    I nodded and left her there. I didn’t know what to say to her, because what I wanted to say was “Grow
up
! You have a baby!” and I knew I couldn’t, so I just left.
    My bike ride to school was short, and I was there and in the building in plenty of time to find my new locker and my first-period class. People watched me, and a few whispered, but I ignored them and focused on the task at hand. I’d received a top locker this year in the middle of the hall. Apparently, the seniors were given the better locker locations.
    “Hey, stranger,” a familiar voice said behind me, and I turned to see Amanda.
    I hadn’t spent much time with her because she didn’t hang out with her brother and his