Sea Haven 01 - Water Bound

against the headrest of the bed while Lev shifted position beneath the covers, turning onto his side and laying his head squarely in her lap. For a moment she couldn’t breathe. She tried to pretend that she could read but it was impossible, and she knew he knew it.
    “Turn off the light, Rikki,” he said softly.
    She hesitated a moment, still afraid to move, but there was no point in trying to read when his arm settled around her thighs and his head nuzzled into a better position, his breath warm on her bare thighs. The blankets were between their bodies, but the way he held her was the most intimate thing she’d ever felt in her life. She reached out and touched the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears.
    Even the sound of the rain didn’t bring her peace. She counted silently, not wanting to move, but afraid she might have to from sheer terror at such closeness. Lev was breathing evenly, but she wasn’t altogether certain he was any more relaxed than she was. She waited in the darkness, but he made 185

    no sound and no movement. She realized he was holding himself even more still than she was, awaiting—even expecting—her rejection.
    She let her breath out and dropped her hand onto his head, stroking gently over his thick hair. “Are you all right, Lev?” she asked, her voice soft and more tender than she wanted it to be.
    His arm tightened around her thighs. “Sometimes, my childhood is just too close.”
    They’d spoken of it earlier, when she’d asked him questions he didn’t want to answer. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories,” she apologized.
    “I’ve never told another human being about my life.”
    She knew the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable, turned inside out. She’d had that happen in grief counseling with the women she regarded as her sisters. The outcome of exposing oneself could be, and often was, disastrous. For Lev, she had the feeling it could end in violence or death.
    “I’m not asking that of you, Lev,” she said. “You don’t have to pay that kind of price to be with me. I don’t need it”
    “Yes, you do. You have to know what I am.”
    Her heart contracted and then began to pound at an alarming rate. He was giving himself to her. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t know if she could make a commitment. She was happy with her life, at peace with herself. She liked her life. He would change that dramatically.
    “Lev.” She wanted to stop him. He didn’t have to strip himself naked for her to feel safe with him, and that’s what he was most afraid of. “Your past doesn’t frighten me.”
    His fingers began slow, seductive circles on her thigh, right over the tattooed raindrops, tracing each one, committing them to memory. “It should, Rikki. Men like me—we’re not supposed to lie in bed with a woman or have a place we call home. We eliminate threats, and anyone knowing us is a threat”
    “You’ve had plenty of chances to kill me, if that’s what you’re implying, Lev. I’m still alive, so I don’t think your threat is very real.” She continued stroking his hair, silently trying to send him a message that she accepted him without explanation. Whatever demons were riding him so hard didn’t need to be exposed or acknowledged, not unless he needed to tell her.
    He sighed. “My entire life has been about survival and survival instincts. I’m not certain you have any. You should never just bring a stranger into your home, Rikki. Especially a man who has so much to hide.”
    She found herself smiling. He was desperately trying to talk her into throwing him out, yet at the same time, his fingers were moving in those 186

    arousing circles and the way his arm was wrapped around her thighs was distinctly possessive. Maybe it was all in her imagination, but she wasn’t moving, mostly because he was more afraid of their connection than she was. She’d come to bed so afraid of giving him too much of herself, yet here he was, feeling exactly the same. And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they could also give you everything.
    “I told you, Lev, I know all about you that I need to know.”
    He lifted his head slightly, just enough to bite her leg in frustration, the smallest of nips. It felt more erotic than a reprimand. She laughed. “If you want me to throw you out, Lev, it isn’t going to happen.”
    He rolled over enough