Shame

Before her body had secretly invited death in and granted it safe passage, slowly and inexorably to crush her advantage and finally rob her of all choice. Now that death was grinning in her face, it held nothing but burning horror.
    Now the end has come upon you, and I will send My wrath against you; I will judge you according to your ways. Then you shall know that I am the LORD!

33
    M aj-Britt Pettersson.
    The mere name on the letter-box made her feel sick. But she was still safely sheltered, out of reach. She knew that the terror lay in wait out there, but it could not get to her. The tiny white pills had blocked all passages.

    She put her finger on the doorbell and pressed it. She had parked the car on the other side of the building so Pernilla wouldn’t see it, and like the last time she was here she had gone in through the cellar entrance at the end of the building.
    She heard someone inside and then the lock clicked open. She shuddered as she stepped across the threshold; she never would have thought she could be persuaded to return.
    She kept her coat on but took off her boots. The fat dog came up and sniffed at her, but when she took no notice it turned and left. She cast a glance into the empty kitchen as she passed, wondering whether Ellinor was there too, but she didn’t seem to be. She continued towards the living room. For an instant she wasn’t sure whether she was approaching the living-room doorway or it was approaching her.
    The monstrosity was sitting in the easy chair and motioned towards the sofa with one hand. A sweeping gesture that perhaps was meant to be welcoming.
    ‘It was nice of you to come. Please have a seat.’
    Monika didn’t intend to stay long and remained standing in the doorway. Just get this over with so that she could leave.
    ‘What is it you want?’
    The gigantic woman sat quite still and watched her with her penetrating gaze, apparently satisfied with the situation. Because she was smiling. For the first time, she smiled at Monika, and for some reason it felt even more disagreeable than her usual behaviour. Monika was uncomfortably aware of the woman’s superior position. The mere fact that she had agreed to come was a confession as good as a written affidavit. Her dazed brain tried to figure out what was actually happening, but she didn’t recognise her thoughts any longer. Ellinor and Maj-Britt and Åse and Pernilla. The names buzzed around and stumbled over each other but she could no longer figure out who knew what or why they knew it. And she didn’t even want to go near the thought of what would happen if everything was revealed and became public knowledge. But everything was going to be fine. She would just see to it that Pernilla met a new man and was happy again and they would continue to be friends and everyone would live happily ever after.
    She had almost forgotten where she was when she heard the voice from the easy chair again.
    ‘I’m sorry I had to resort to such words to get you to come here, but as I said it’s important. It’s for your own good.’
    She smiled again and Monika felt a little sick.
    ‘I asked you to come because I want to help you. It may not seem that way right now, but one day you will understand.’
    ‘What is it you want?’
    The woman in the chair straightened her back and her eyes narrowed to slits.
    ‘ Your tongue devises destruction, like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. You love evil more than good, lying rather than speaking righteousness, you deceitful tongue .’
    Monika squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again. It didn’t help. This was really happening.
    ‘What?’
    ‘ God shall likewise destroy you forever; He shall take you away, and pluck you out of your dwelling place, and uproot you from the land of the living .’
    Monika swallowed. Everything was spinning. She leaned against the door jamb for support.
    ‘I’m only trying to save you. What’s the name of the widow, the one who lives across the way? The one you’re lying to?’
    Monika didn’t answer. In less than a second the thought whirled away and she could only confirm what a fantastic invention Zopax was. It came to her rescue when all her other efforts to solve her problems failed.
    The woman continued when she didn’t get an answer.
    ‘I don’t need her name. Because I know where she lives.’
    ‘I don’t understand what you have to do with any of this.’
    ‘I make no assumptions. But God does.’
    The woman was insane. She