Shame

enough. She had a reputation around school of being fearless, like the time she’d ridden Tommy Lee Baker’s motorcycle, done a wheelie as she drove past the Riva Cinema Theatre, even though she’d never been on a bike before. It was the kind of thing only a movie star, or Earlene, would have done.
    Caleb dared another quick look at Earlene. Her complexion was very white; she had a few moles scattered around her body that showed just how white she was. She had straight brown hair, and her bangs went almost to her eyebrows. Earlene was small, not much more than five feet, but most of that was curves. She wore tight blouses and tighter pants.
    “How do you say that religion again?” she asked.
    “Zoroastrianism.” A religion, remembered Cal, that believed there was a universal struggle going on between the forces of light and darkness.
    “Zor-ro-ass...Forget it. You’re smart, Cal. But you’re always so quiet. ’Course they say it’s the quiet ones you got to watch out for.”
    He basked in her praise. The farther they had gotten from Eden, the more human Caleb had felt. Earlene made it easy for him. She was a great talker. He could almost forget who he was, what he was. Little by little he had become more comfortable. He knew other kids did things like this. Caleb saw them going places together after school, and heard about their parties. But he had always been the outsider.
    Caleb had always imagined how nice it would be to just have a friend. That was about as far as his fantasies had taken him. Caleb thought about the opposite sex, dreamed about them, but he was grounded in the reality that he was Shame’s son, which meant he was dirty and defiled and something to be feared. Untouchable.
    The lake was out of the way, far enough from Eden for them not to have to worry about seeing anyone they knew. That madeit special, like they were the only two people in the world. Earlene had outdone herself with the picnic basket. Though Cal had offered to take her out to lunch in San Angelo, she had told him a picnic would be more fun and had forbidden him to provide anything. “It will be my pleasure,” she had told him. Earlene had made three kinds of sandwiches, potato salad, some ambrosia, and even a pecan pie.
    “This is great,” said Caleb, holding up a sandwich.
    “Oh, come on.”
    “This is great,” Caleb said, digging into the ambrosia.
    But the truth of the matter was that he couldn’t taste anything. He was overwhelmed at being with her. That was what was great.
    Afterward, they fed the ducks and then walked around the lake. A few times Earlene’s body brushed up against his, and on each occasion it took his breath away. He had never felt so right with the world in all his life.
    As the sun was setting, Earlene gave him a long look and said, “I want to take you where you’ve never been before.”
    “Where’s that?”
    “Oh, you’ll see,” she said. “Oh, yes, you will.”
    The way she said it, the way she promised so much with just her tone, made his stomach feel funny and his heart race. He was afraid, but not in the way he was usually afraid.
    She drove to an overlook just outside the city of Wall, a spot that was deserted and quiet—a good place, Earlene said, for them to “talk.”
    Caleb had no expectations for what might happen there. Just being with Earlene made him as happy as he could ever remember, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She took Caleb by the hand, led him to the backseat of her car, and took a seat on his lap. His hands were sweaty. They didn’t even feel like his hands. He was all fingers as he tried to unlatch and unbutton her clothing, and was more a hindrance than a help in removing it.
    A full moon revealed her white skin, her nakedness. She looked like one of those classical statues. Cal had never seen anything so beautiful or so intimidating.
    “Come closer,” she said.
    At first Caleb was afraid to touch her. He didn’t trust his hands to do the right things and was sure no boy had ever been so stupid, but she drew him to her and demonstrated that he was more than ready for the dance, even if he wasn’t sure of the steps.
    “That’s right,” she told him. “That’s right.”
    Because of who he was, Caleb had been sure he’d always be alone. He couldn’t believe he was actually holding a girl, couldn’t believe he was touching her skin. She felt so soft, so wonderful. He cupped her breasts, felt her nipples harden.
    She reached for him,