Shatner Rules

Haggle with You about These So-Called Labor Charges
    I was always proud of my work on that low-budget, always-about-to-be-canceled science fiction show. I was proud of the fact that I was able to breathe some human life into a series that sometimes had little physical connection to the real world, all the while trying to remember nonsense words while talking into a cardboard prop. But at some point, as a defense mechanism, I just joined in on the big joke.
    In fact, I got
in
on the joke to protect myself
from
the joke.
    A few years back I appeared on a British talk show and was having a nice time, when suddenly the host said, “Take a look at this.” He then proceeded to show a clip from
T.J. Hooker,
an out-of-context clip. Taking something out of context is the stock and trade of the prankster, and my performance in this clip seemed a little . . . blustery.
    The audience laughed while the clip ran, not knowing anything about the reasons for Hooker’s bluster, or the choices I made as an actor while trying to convey the emotions. I could see what this host was trying to do. He was laughing
at
.
    When the lights came up, he was readying his quip, and I jumped in with, “My God, that was awful.” He had nowhere to go, the crowd laughed along with me, and we moved on.
    Did I think my performance was awful? No—the lines were a little overheated; the emotions were the kind that you found throughout television drama in the 1980s. Hooker was written as a walking raw nerve with a badge. He was played so accordingly.
    If I have been involved in some subpar projects over the years, I can assure you the preparation and discipline I brought to the roles was always way above par.
    Discipline. In my many years of performing, I have never once taken a sick day. Not one. I was deathly ill with the flu during the filming of a
Star Trek
episode, and rather than call in sick, I had the producers put a cot down next to the set. In between takes, I would collapse, toss and turn in a cold sweat, and be mopped up in time for the next take. I barely had the strength to steal a close-up! I would not call in sick!
RULE: If Shatner Works in Your Office during Flu Season,
Everyone’s
Getting the Flu
    Here’s what I think: I’m a good actor. I know what to do, I can make you laugh, I can make you cry, and I can always find the good moments. I can say the words so that they have some meaning to them. There are thousands of actors out there in Hollywood, and producers throughout the years have scribbled WILLIAM SHATNER onto some of the checks that they’ve cut, for varying sizes. They could have written someone else’s name. They didn’t.
    For close to seventy-five years now, since I was a kid, I have been acting. I have never made money for anything other than performing. That is not a joke.
     
    MOCK NEWSPAPER REVIEW FROM 1930s
    Also in the Little Players’ production of
Red Riding Hood
was young Billy Shatner as a tree. A solid performance, although this critic sometimes found he was playing the charm. Also, why would a tree shout “KAHN!” in the middle of the second act?
    But for many, it seemed
Star Trek
was a joke. And I got in on it.
    All those people yelling “Beam me up, Scotty” must have thought that the show, and Kirk, were subjects worthy of mockery. And to protect myself, I joined them. As with that British talk show host, I have tried to beat the mockers to the punch. I soon started laughing and giving a thumbs-up whenever someone shouted the line to me. To many,
Star
Trek
is tacky, a campy joke, and so was my performance. Best thing to do is laugh the loudest, right?
    And I kept laughing until I made
The Captains
.
    The Captains
is a feature-length documentary I produced in which I traveled around the world and interviewed everyone who has played a captain within the
Star Trek
canon. I sat down with Scott Bakula (
Star Trek: Enterprise
), Kate Mulgrew (
Star Trek: Voyager
), Avery Brooks (
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
), and Patrick Stewart (
Star Trek: The Next Generation
). Even Chris Pine, the latest incarnation of Kirk, sat down for a one-on-one.
    During the filming, I flew to London to meet Patrick Stewart. For the flight I was seated in the quiet of the wonderful jet that my sponsors at Bombardier generously provided for me . . .
RULE: Never Forget a Plug—Especially One That Keeps You out of the Security Line at the Airport
    . . . and in the luxurious quiet of the cabin (thank you again, Bombardier)