Silent Run

Caitlyn’s forehead as her baby frowned and sucked on her thumb again. “I hope she isn’t having a nightmare. She’s been through so much today."
    â€œWith any luck she won’t remember it."
    Sarah gazed over at Jake. “I should have brought her back to you. I don’t regret taking her when I did, because you weren’t in town, and there was no one I could trust. I had to make that decision."
    â€œMaybe at that moment. But in seven months, Sarah, there had to have been a time, an opportunity for you to find a way to reach me."
    â€œI was too busy trying to survive on my own. I thought about calling you a million times, but I kept remembering how they killed Andy. I was afraid for you, and I loved Caitlyn so much. I knew what it was like to grow up without a mother."
    â€œSo did I,” Jake said. “Did you think I could let Caitlyn grow up without a father? You were selfish, Sarah, and you put our child in danger."
    â€œIt wasn’t fair to you,” she agreed. “I was just in too deep. I didn’t know how to get out of the mess I was in. I kept thinking that something would change and I’d find a way to get back to you, that it would just be temporary."
    â€œThat sounds like another lie you told yourself."
    â€œMore like a wish. I loved you, Jake.” He looked away from her, but not before she saw something flare in his eyes. “When I met you, I was a lot older and a lot wiser than when I was with Victor. I wasn’t looking for a fairy-tale prince anymore, but the truth is, I found one. You and I had great chemistry right from the start, but there was also an emotional connection between us. I loved that you were strong and protective when it came to your family, to your brother, to your grandmother. You cared about your work and your friends. You threw your mind and body into building a dream house for us. You had values, a sense of right and wrong. You understood responsibility. I knew that I couldn’t let you get away. And that old optimistic part of myself that refuses to die told me to hang on to you as tightly as I could. I didn’t believe that I could tell you the truth and keep you. I thought you would walk away. I honestly believed that."
    Jake lifted his gaze to hers, but his expression was completely unreadable when he said, “We’ll never know, will we?"
    â€œNo, we won’t. But while I lied to you about my past, I never lied about my feelings. I was happy with you, the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. And I didn’t want it to end, but it did. Because nothing good lasts forever."
    â€œNothing good built on a lie lasts forever,” Jake corrected. “If you don’t have a strong foundation, your house falls down. That’s what happened to us. And I have to take some of the blame, because I never called you on any of the lies you told me. I never made you answer my questions. I’m a detail person in my work, but in my personal life I saw only the big picture. But you’re free now, Sarah. Victor is dead. Just about everyone else in his group is dead. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to lie. You can be yourself."
    â€œI’m not sure who I am anymore,” she confessed. “I’ve been so many people and answered to so many names. I don’t feel like Jessica or Samantha. I feel more like Sarah, but I made up that name, too."
    â€œIf you want to be Sarah, be Sarah. It’s not your name that’s important. It’s who you are. It’s living a life of truth. A life without fear."
    She wondered if that was possible. “I’ve been scared for so long,” she said. “I can’t imagine going to bed at night and not having to worry about whether or not Victor is going to come after me. It’s hard to believe he’s dead."
    â€œYou looked at him. You saw him."
    â€œIt's still difficult to grasp."
    â€œNow you can go on with your life."
    â€œHow?” she whispered. “How do I do that without you -- without Caitlyn? Because that’s the way you want it to be, isn’t it?"
    Jake didn’t answer for a long time. There was an expression in his eyes she couldn’t decipher. “I don’t know yet, Sarah."
    Her heart sank. “I can’t give up my child, Jake."
    â€œI need some time to think about the future."
    â€œHow much time?"
    â€œAs much time as it takes,” he said