Some Quiet Place

Joshua won’t let me; he kisses me again, catching me by surprise.
    “Yes, I love you,” he says. His breathing is more ragged than mine. The Emotion herself shimmers into existence, touching his cheek before leaving us alone again.
    I swallow. I can’t say the words back. Because I yearn to say them to someone else. The realization isn’t a blow—it’s been waiting, just beneath the surface. And it means more pain for Joshua, more guilt for myself. No one can have their happy endings.
    “You don’t even know my real name,” is all I mumble to Joshua in response.
    He presses his forehead against mine, inhaling my scent, seeming to savor it. “Then tell me.”
    I hesitate for just an instant before whispering, “Rebecca. Rebecca James.”
    “Rebecca. It’s a beautiful name.”
    “Thank you.” I allow his touch, ignoring the instinct to pull away. This is the last time he’ll ever hold me like this, and I stay to give him memories of his own.
    Joshua and I stand there for a few minutes—minutes that feel like peaceful years—just two people in a barn, alone, together, separate and apart, yet one. A human and … something nonhuman. Love and nothing. Love and everything.
    A noise nearby. I lift my head. I should pull away. I should leave. But I don’t.
    The boy in my arms notes the alert movement. He rubs a thumb across my lower lip, smiling. Then, softly, softly, Joshua says the words: “Just you and me, Rebecca.”
    There’s an instant of silence, and I can feel the illusion trembling. Then there’s the sound of thunder all around me, something breaking into a million pieces.
    Whoosh .
    The wall collapses.
    Pain. Pain. Pain .
    I remember. I remember it all , this time. And with the remembering comes the rush, the waterfall, the shrieking earthquake of feeling. Joshua disappears as the world crumbles. Emotions surround me, murmuring in wonder, touching me everywhere. I fight them, making sounds that don’t even sound human. Their faces crowd in, bright and dark, hideous and beautiful. As their skin makes contact, my eyes roll back in my head, the room around me fading into fuzzy shadows. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to pound my fists, I want to tear my hair out, I want to throw up my arms and dance and dance until I’m too dizzy to dance anymore and fall to the ground.
    And in the midst of it all, the memory of one face presses in, filling every corner of my being. Just you and me, Rebecca.
    Elizabeth is gone. I am completely Rebecca James once again. And I know what I am. Daughter, sister, lover … Element. I’m a hybrid. A half-blood. Haven’t you noticed that people are drawn to you? I know why now. And I know why Nightmare wanted to find my father. Because my father’s blood is the most precious, the greatest addiction, the highest power, the ultimate nectar. Blood that runs through my veins, making me only half human.
    Life.
    And I couldn’t even use it to save my twin. “No!” I scream, tears streaming down my face. “I don’t want to remember! Take it away, please, take it away!”
    “Too late for that,” a voice says, close by. “Back off, all of you. I know it’s exciting, but she shouldn’t have to deal with it all at once.”
    “Rebecca, Rebecca,” the Emotions are saying over and over again, still touching me. My twin and I used to join their parties all the time, intoxicate them with a single touch. Life—that’s what I am. Why, then, do I crave death? I feel hands in my hair, on my shoulders, on my back, on my legs, my feet, my cheeks, my stomach. Their touch, their essences gush through me, bursting out of my pores, oozing through every part of my body.
    “Get away from me!” I scream, wild-eyed, thrusting my arms out. Power rushes through every part of my body, making me tremble all over. The gust is so strong that the Emotions all around are thrown back. Many of them vanish. Others gaze at me in awe, standing a safe distance from me. I’m barely aware of any of it. I crumple into a ball, weeping.
    I remember him. Everything. I remember his smile, his pensive tones, the way his eyes twinkled, every moment of every day we spent together.
    His words, his companionship, his love—gone. All of it, gone.
    My brother. My twin. I sink into a black hole of despair.
    “Landon.”

TWENTY-FOUR
    I stand in the middle of Elizabeth’s room.
    I gaze at the walls, the mural I’ll never finish. Green everywhere, trees and light and mystery.