Steamed

I’d missed the possibility that he’d bring someone back to our building and, in essence, parade his female captive in front of me. Unfortunately for me, and probably for eighty or a hundred other women, the hitch was that he was pretty hot.
    I’d first met Noah last spring, a few weeks after he’d moved into his second-floor condo. I’d been out on my deck (okay, fire escape) watering my plants when my cat, Gato, had managed to push open the screen door and jet down the steps. I’d made a feeble effort to follow but knew it was a fruitless pursuit. When Gato escaped, he typically waited until sundown to return. Since I was on the second-floor landing and still clutching my watering can, I decided to water the one droopy and unidentifiable plant the new neighbor had placed on the railing. I’d caught only a glimpse of him from my window as he’d stood supervising his movers, but he’d looked attractive and, from my bird’s-eye view, I could see that he wasn’t balding or gray haired, and was thus more suitable for me than for AARP. So I was watering Noah’s plant, as a good neighbor should, when his screen door opened and that sexy mouth of his appeared and said, “I didn’t know a gardening service came with the condo fees.”
    “This isn’t really gardening,” I’d replied. “This is called ‘neighborly watering to prevent death’ and is free of charge.”
    That was the beginning of my spiral into sexual idiocy. The verbal flirtations soon progressed into physical flirtations, a touch here and there, until the night we rented Daredevil. As Ben Affleck began his ludicrous transformation into his superhero persona, Noah and I started a foolish liaison that would end with the bleach blonde and her BMW. With his dark hair and green eyes and the muscled body that he showed off by always wearing as few clothes as possible, Noah provided compelling relief from the dry spell I’d been going through. I’m a sucker for a good-looking guy, but who isn’t? Although charming and flirtatious, he had a style that I was pretty sure he’d copied from prime-time television shows. All in all, although Noah was an undesirable boyfriend, he was a sexy guy. And he lived a flight down from me.
    And we did have fun. We cooked romantic dinners together. Well, truth be told, I would make chicken simmered with fresh vegetables, wine, and herbs, and Noah would add a tablespoon of butter to the rice pilaf mix and ask the names of the strange ingredients I’d used. “That’s called thyme“ I’d explain. “This is a mango. ” Food savvy he was not. Although he usually ate whatever I cooked, he exhibited minimal gastronomic satisfaction with my meals. But the illusion of romantic dinners was there, I suppose. It was for me.
    We went to the movies and walked to local wine shops to pick out bottles with the most artistic labels we could find—activities usually reserved for couples actually dating. So, although Noah said he didn’t want a girlfriend, he acted as if maybe I’d be the exception to that rule. And maybe he was protecting himself because he’d had his poor heart broken so many times before. And I bought that crap, by which I mean his phony charm and my rationalizations.
    I can see why I fell. Take the time we went to the grand opening of the Trader Joe’s grocery store up the street from our place. (“Our place” always sounded as if we actually lived together.) The store was packed with fabulous frozen health-conscious meals, gourmet sauces and chutneys, aromatic coffees, and miniature bamboo plants. Noah and I browsed the aisles together, but we got into separate lines for the registers. In retrospect, I realize that Noah was so uncommitted to me that he didn’t even want us to be seen as a couple waiting in line together. Then there was the time I cajoled him into coming with me to my parents’ house to pick up an air conditioner. When my father innocently suggested that we all have dinner together, I believe Noah momentarily stopped breathing.
    But back to Trader Joe’s.
    “Noah,” I called over to him, “look what I found! Frozen gyoza!” This to a person who couldn’t tell Japanese dumplings from Chef Boyardee ravioli and would have preferred the taste of the latter.
    Noah looked innocently around at the customers in his line and then turned those green eyes on me. “Ma’am? You found some purchases you like? You’ve had a nice shopping experience?”
    “Look,” I continued,