Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves

hold me responsible a year or two ago when her son, young Thos, nearly got sacked from the scholastic institution which he attends for breaking out at night in order to go and shy for coconuts at the local amusement park. ‘How did she seem, Jeeves?’
    ‘Sir?’
    ‘Did she give you the impression that she was splitting a gusset?’
    ‘Not particularly, sir. Mrs. Travers’s voice is always robust. Would there be any reason why she should be splitting the gusset to which you refer?’
    ‘You bet there would. No time to tell you now, but the skies are darkening and the air is full of V-shaped depressions off the coast of Iceland.’
    ‘I am sorry, sir.’
    ‘Nor are you the only one. Who was the fellow - or fellows, for I believe there was more than one - who went into the burning fiery furnace?’
    ‘Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, sir.’
    ‘That’s right. The names were on the tip of my tongue. I read about them when I won my Scripture Knowledge prize at school. Well, I know just how they must have felt. Aunt Dahlia?’ I said, for I had now reached the instrument.
    I had been expecting to have my ear scorched with well-chosen words, but to my surprise she seemed in merry mood. There was no suggestion of recrimination in her voice.
    ‘Hullo there, you young menace to western civilization,’ she boomed. ‘How are you? Still ticking over?’
    ‘To a certain extent. And you?’
    ‘I’m fine. Did I interrupt you in the middle of your tenth cocktail?’
    ‘My third,’ I corrected. ‘I usually stay steady at two, but Pop Bassett insisted on replenishing my glass. He’s a bit above himself at the moment and very much the master of the revels. I wouldn’t put it past him to have an ox roasted whole in the market place, if he can find an ox.’
    ‘Stinko, is he?’
    ‘Not perhaps stinko, but certainly effervescent.’
    ‘Well, if you can suspend your drunken orgy for a minute or two, I’ll tell you the news from home. I got back from London a quarter of an hour ago, and what do you think I found waiting on the mat? That newt-collecting freak Spink-Bottle, accompanied by a girl who looks like a Pekinese with freckles.’
    I drew a deep breath and embarked on my speech for the defence. If Bertram was to be put in the right light, now was the moment. True, her manner so far had been affable and she had given no sign of being about to go off with a bang, but one couldn’t be sure that that wasn’t because she was just biding her time. It’s never safe to dismiss aunts lightly at times like this.
    ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I heard he was on his way, complete with freckled human Pekinese. I am sorry, Aunt Dahlia, that you should have been subjected to this unwarrantable intrusion, and I would like to make it abundantly clear that it was not the outcome of any advice or encouragement from me. I was in total ignorance of his intentions. Had he confided in me his purpose of inflicting his presence on you, I should have -‘
    Here I paused, for she had asked me rather brusquely to put a sock in it.
    ‘Stop babbling, you ghastly young gas-bag. What’s all this silver-tongued-orator stuff about?’
    ‘I was merely expressing my regret that you should have been subjected -‘
    ‘Well, don’t. There’s no need to apologize. I couldn’t be more pleased. I admit that I’m always happier when I don’t have Spink-Bottle breathing down the back of my neck and taking up space in the house which I require for other purposes, but the girl was as welcome as manna in the wilderness.’
    Having won that prize for Scripture Knowledge I was speaking of, I had no difficulty in grasping her allusion. She was referring to an incident which occurred when the children of Israel were crossing some desert or other and were sorely in need of refreshment, rations being on the slender side. And they were just saying to one another how well a spot of manna would go down and regretting that there was none in the quartermaster’s stores, when blowed if a whole wad of the stuff didn’t descend from the skies, just making their day.
    Her words had of course surprised me somewhat, and I asked her why Emerald Stoker had been as welcome as manna in the w.
    ‘Because her arrival brought sunshine into a stricken home. There couldn’t have been a smoother piece of timing. You didn’t see Anatole when you were over here this afternoon, did you?’
    ‘No. Why?’
    ‘I was wondering if you had noticed anything wrong with him. Shortly