Take Me 01 - Love Me

woke up was Janica.
    If she had left.
    Or if she had made the choice to stay.
    Closing her notepad, she stood up and said, “I'm starved. Have you got any food?”
    “I don't know.”
    He hadn't been thinking about food when he got here. Just getting drunk.
    And feeling sorry for himself.
    Moving past him, the soft fabric of her shirt brushing lightly against his already half-mast erection, she went to look in the refrigerator. He had his pants on by the time she pulled out some eggs, a block of cheese, and some sausage.
    Watching her maneuver around the kitchen gave him another chance to see her in a completely new light. He'd never thought of her as someone who would even know how to boil water, let alone whip up omelets.
    Minutes later, she was pushing a plate over to him. Coming to sit beside him at the kitchen island, she smiled and said, “Sex always makes me hungry,” before forking out a bite from the plate.
    “This is great.” The best omelet he'd ever had. “Where'd you learn to cook?”
    “Thanks,” she said. And then, “Lily taught me when we were kids.” She shrugged. “I guess she figured since we were fending for ourselves she wanted to make sure I never starved if something ever happened to her.”
    She'd been so young when her parents had died and the Aunt who had taken in Janica and Lily wasn't exactly the motherly type.
    “It must've been hard for you.”
    Again, she shrugged. “Lily took really good care of me. Better than most of my friends’ parents.”
    He knew what she was doing, trying to act tough, like she hadn't been hurt. Because that was just what he'd always done. What he was still doing.
    “Still, there's a difference between a sister and a mother. I'm sorry, Janica.”
    “Don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine.”
    “Are you?”
    Her fork stilled halfway to her mouth. It started shaking in her hand and she dropped it to the plate in obvious frustration.
    “What is it about you that has me wanting to spill all my secrets?”
    He didn't know. But he did know that he wanted to be there for her. For now, at least, while they were spending time together. Later...well, he wasn't going to think about later, didn't want to have to face the aftermath of being so close to Janica. And then not having her in his life anymore.
    “Tell me, Janica.”
    He realized that he hated to see her close herself off to him. That he much preferred the way she looked when she was in his arms and she was totally open, totally pure in her confession of love. Whether or not he believed that her loving him was even possible.
    Needing to let her know she could trust him with the pain she felt over losing her parents at such a young age, he said, “I want to listen to you.”
    She stared at him in silence for long enough that he found himself fighting the urge to fidget on the bar stool.
    Finally, he saw her come to a decision. To trust him.
    “Even when I was a little girl I knew how strong I was. That I'd always figure out a way to take care of myself, no matter what happened. Lily was the emotional one. The soft one. Like I said before, I was so glad that she had you to protect her when we were growing up.” She paused, took a deep breath. A breath that shook a little bit and shifted something inside of his chest, broke something down, a wall he'd built around his heart so long ago. “But the thing is, sometimes my whole tough girl act gets a little old, even for me. Especially when it's what everyone expects from me, all the time.”
    He should have been amazed to find out that she wasn't nearly as strong as she seemed. But, then, hadn't he already seen it for himself? When he was making love to her and tears were falling from her eyelashes as she confessed her love, wasn't she just as vulnerable as anyone else?
    His voice gentle, he said, “It shouldn't matter what other people expect from you. You should be able to just be yourself.”
    She looked out the window at the water, frowning. “I don't know who else I can be.” She turned and gave him a crooked grin that didn't quite reach her eyes. “Take you, for instance. You've always thought I was a total brat.”
    At this point, he knew better than to try and deny it. She'd know he was lying. And the one thing he knew for sure was that he didn't want to ever lie to her.
    “You're right. I did. But that didn't mean I wasn't impressed by you at the same time.”
    Guilt had already kicked in big time at the way he'd treated her since last