Tales of the City 04 - Babycakes

I’m up to my ass in customers.”
“Don’t worry,” Jerry yelled back. “She’s up to her ass in Englishmen.”
He was still fuming over the remark when he stopped by Mary Ann’s table ten minutes later. As reported, Simon was with her. She was autographing a menu for a fat woman at the next table, so she didn’t notice him until Simon signaled her by clearing his throat.
“Oh, hi. Is this a bad time?”
“Busy.” he replied. “I really can’t talk.”
“No problem.” She gave him her secret Be Cool smile. “I just wanted Simon to see the place.”
He addressed the lieutenant. “So what do you think?”
“It’s … very jolly.”
He nodded. “Like a Japanese subway.”
Mary Ann and the lieutenant both laughed, but not much. She looked strangely ill-at-ease, and he was beginning to think she had every reason to be. What the fuck was she doing, anyway, bringing this guy here?
He turned to her. “Are we still on for tonight?”
“Of course.”
“My wife breaks dates,” he told Simon.
“Now wait just a damn minute!” she piped.
“There’s always a good reason, of course. Earthquakes, queens, polar bears …”
“Excuse me …” The fat woman was back, this time tugging on Simon’s arm. “I got so excited I completely forgot to get your autograph too.”
Simon looked grossly uncomfortable. “Really, madam, that’s awfully kind of you, but I don’t see what possible …”
“Oh, please…. My daughter will be livid if I don’t bring her some proof that I met you!”
The lieutenant cast an apologetic glance at Mary Ann, then scrawled his name hastily across the menu. His face was bright red.
“Oh, thank you.” The woman’s upper lip was sweating as she added in a stage whisper: “My daughter is just gaga over men with hairy chests.” Giggling to herself, she waddled back to her seat.
Simon shook his head slowly.
“The price of exposure,” said Mary Ann.
“What does she have?” Brian couldn’t help asking. “X-ray vision?”
Mary Ann laughed uneasily. “I did a little profile on Simon that aired this morning.”
“Ghastly,” mugged the lieutenant.
“With your shirt off?” asked Brian.
“Well …”
“Just for a jogging segment,” Mary Ann explained. “We needed footage for a voice-over.”
Brian became her echo. “Footage for a voice-over. That makes sense. Well …” He backed away from the table. “I think they need me in the Back Forty.”
Moments later, as he’d expected, she cornered him in the kitchen. “O.K. Why are you bent out of shape?”
He stepped out of the way of another waiter. “It’ll have to wait. This is our busiest time.”
“I did a little profile on the guy,” she whispered. “Why should that freak you out?”
“It didn’t freak me out. It … surprised me, that’s all. You said he didn’t want to be on TV.”
She shrugged. “So I talked him into it.”
“Right. And made him a beefcake star in the bargain.”
“Oh, c’mon, Brian.” She ducked as jerry sped by with a tray. “What if I did? Hey … I did that story on the Tom Selleck look-alike contest and you didn’t say a word.”
He leaned forward and answered in an angry whisper. “The goddamn Tom Selleck look-alike wasn’t living in our fucking house!”
She shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re threatened by this.”
Her sanctimoniously modern tone annoyed the hell out of him. “I’d just like to know why you came here to celebrate your big media coup.”
“Brian …”
“just … go. It’s no big deal.”
“Brian, listen to me. I brought him here because I want you guys to be friends. I want the three of us to be friends. I just thought it would be fun if …”
“O.K., O.K.”
She gave him a cautious smile, sensing the passage of his anger. “My timing was rotten, I guess, I’m sorry about that. Want me to pick up your laundry?”
He shook his head.
“I’ll be home packing, if you need me.” She kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the kitchen. When he returned to the front room three minutes later, she and Simon had already gone.
Back in the kitchen, Jerry was waiting for him. “Your wife’s friend is a big tipper,”
“He’s my friend too,” he answered.
“Really?” Jerry’s lip curled.
“Yes, really, asshole.”
Jerry nodded slowly. “Well … it’s convenient, at least.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
A surly shrug. “Look, man … I only know what I saw.”
“Meaning?”
“Well … the guy bears a certain