Tales of the City 08 - Mary Ann in Autumn

except: “How do you do that?”
    “How do I do what?”
    “Not be jealous.”
    “Who says I’m not?”
    “Then why do you agree to it?”
    He shrugged. “It’s something we agreed on years ago. I think of it as the price of admission.”
    She frowned. “You make him sound like a ride at the fair.”
    “Well …” He was trying to look devilish.
    “Seriously, Mouse. Why?”
    “Because men know how men are. I know how I was at Ben’s age. You know, too, actually. You were there.”
    She appreciated this nod to their wicked youth, but she still wasn’t buying it. “But if two people are in love with each other, if they marry each other, for heaven’s sake …”
    “ … then they know enough not to make fucking the deal breaker. They know there’s something much more important.”
    She wondered if this declaration was a not-so-oblique reference to her situation with Bob. “But there have to be rules, Mouse. There just do.”
    “We have rules. Full disclosure, for one thing. And we’re in bed with each other at the end of the day. Our commitment is for life, and we save our hearts for each other. That way we can have play and permanency. If monogamy becomes more important than fidelity, you’re bound to get hurt. It’s all the lying that clobbers you, not the sex.”
    She raised an eyebrow. “Ever tried watching it on Skype?”
    He cringed. “That must’ve been awful.”
    “And, you know, Mouse, it wouldn’t have been an improvement if he’d told me in advance that he’d be fucking Calliope that afternoon.”
    “Maybe … but just having to keep something secret can drive a huge wedge between you. And in the end that just makes it easier to fall in love with someone else.”
    “Okay, fine. Thanks for the input. Let’s talk about something else.”
    He seemed to realize how badly he’d stepped in it. “I don’t mean it’s necessarily right for you, sweetie. It’s not even right for lots of gay men. I just had to decide on what was important and trust in that. Otherwise love turns into a stupid Maury Povich show, where it’s all about lie detectors in the end. I’d rather we had the freedom to play occasionally and concentrate on having the deeper stuff. You know?”
    “And he gives you the freedom too?”
    “Of course.” He grinned. “Not that I exercise it all that often.”
    “Why not?”
    “I’m old … in case you haven’t noticed.”
    “You’re not old,” she said, scolding him with a glance. “You’re my age.”
    B EN CAME HOME NOT LONG after that. Perversely, Mary Ann found herself studying his gap-toothed face for telltale signs of extracurricular pleasure. It was the same old Ben, though, wholesome as cornflakes as he burst through the door with that loopy dog, kissing Michael before dropping a small paper bag on the coffee table.
    “You guys feel like going out for dinner?” he asked. “Some place in the neighborhood, maybe?”
    “Sure,” said Michael, plastering on a smile for his husband. She was almost certain he wasn’t as blasé about this homecoming as he pretended to be.
    “Sushi?” asked Ben, looking at both of them.
    “Great,” said Michael. “Sounds good.” He glanced down at the bag on the coffee table. “What’s that, then?”
    “Just some baby tangerines.”
    “Yum,” said Mary Ann.
    Michael looked puzzled. “All by themselves?”
    “They were a present.”
    “Really?” Michael widened his eyes noticeably. “For whom?”
    “For us,” Ben said evenly, looking directly at Michael.
    “From … ?”
    “My buddy at the gym. He bought too many at the farmers’ market and thought we might like some.”
    “That was thoughtful of him,” said Michael.
    Ben wriggled free of Michael’s penetrating gaze and turned back to Mary Ann. “Are you good with sushi? There’s a new Italian place we could try.”
    “You know what,” she said pleasantly, already feeling the suffocating tension in the air, “you guys just go ahead. I’ll curl up here with a book and some Yoplait.”
    “You can’t do that,” said Ben.
    “Yes, I can. I’d like to, actually.” This was the truth, since she didn’t want to get caught in their emotional crossfire tonight, however civilly it might be played out. Besides, she loved the idea of having the whole house to herself, knowing the guys would be back before bedtime. “Go on,” she said. “I’ll have company.”
    She meant Roman, of course, who was already sprawled out next to her in the