Tales of the Unexpected

carried it along to the yellow room and placed it on the floor by the sofa. When I returned, sure enough the radio creature was ticking away as loudly as if the clock were in the room – even louder.
    I fetched back the clock. Then I tidied myself up in the bath-room, returned my tools to the workshop, and prepared to meet the guests. But first, to compose myself, and so that I would not have to appear in front of them with the blood, as it were, still wet on my hands, I spent five minutes in the library with my collection. I concentrated on a tray of the lovely
Vanessa cardui
– the ‘painted lady’ – and made a few notes for a paper I was preparing entitled ‘The Relation between Colour Pattern and Framework of Wings’, which I intended to read at the next meeting of our society in Canterbury. In this way I soon regained my normal grave, attentive manner.
    When I entered the living-room, our two guests, whose names I could never remember, were seated on the sofa. My wife was mixing drinks.
    ‘Oh,
there
you are, Arthur,’ she said. ‘Where
have
you been?’
    I thought this was an unnecessary remark. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said to the guests as we shook hands. ‘I was busy and forgot the time.’
    ‘We all know what
you’ve
been doing,’ the girl said, smiling wisely. ‘But we’ll forgive him, won’t we, dearest?’
    ‘I think we should,’ the husband answered.
    I had a frightful, fantastic vision of my wife telling them, amidst roars of laughter, precisely what I had been doing upstairs. She
couldn’t
– she
couldn’t
have done that! I looked round at her and she too was smiling as she measured out the gin.
    ‘I’m sorry we disturbed you,’ the girl said.
    I decided that if this was going to be a joke then I’d better join in quickly, so I forced myself to smile with her.
    ‘You must let us see it,’ the girl continued.
    ‘See what?’
    ‘Your collection. Your wife says that they are absolutely beautiful.’
    I lowered myself slowly into a chair and relaxed. It was ridiculous to be so nervous and jumpy. ‘Are you interested in butterflies?’ I asked her.
    ‘I’d love to see yours, Mr Beauchamp.’
    The Martinis were distributed and we settled down to a couple of hours of talk and drink before dinner. It was from then on that I began to form the impression that our guests were a charming couple. My wife, coming from a titled family, is apt to be conscious of her class and breeding, and is often hasty in her judgement of strangers who are friendly towards her – particularly tall men. She is frequently right, but in this case I felt that she might be making a mistake. As a rule, I myself do not like tall men either; they are apt to be supercilious and omniscient. But Henry Snape – my wife had whispered his name – struck me as being an amiable simple young man with good manners whose main preoccupation, very properly, was Mrs Snape. He was handsome in a long-faced, horsy sort of way, with dark-brown eyes that seemed to be gentle and sympathetic. I envied him his fine mop of black hair, and caught myself wondering what lotion he used to keep it looking so healthy. He did tell us one or two jokes, but they were on a high level and no one could have objected.
    ‘At school,’ he said, ‘they used to call me Scervix. Do you know why?’
    ‘I haven’t the least idea,’ my wife answered.
    ‘Because cervix is Latin for nape.’
    This was rather deep and it took me a while to work out.
    ‘What school was that, Mr Snape?’ my wife asked.
    ‘Eton,’ he said, and my wife gave a quick little nod of approval. Now she will talk to him, I thought, so I turned my attention to the other one, Sally Snape. She was an attractive girl with a bosom. Had I met her fifteen years earlier I might well have got myself into some sort of trouble. As it was, I had a pleasant enough time telling her all about my beautiful butterflies. I was observing her closely as I talked, and after a while I began to get the impression that she was not, in fact, quite so merry and smiling a girl as I had been led to believe at first. She seemed to be coiled in herself, as though with a secret she was jealously guarding. The deep-blue eyes moved too quickly about the room, never settling or resting on one thing for more than a moment; and over all her face, though so faint that they might not even have been there, those small downward lines of sorrow.
    ‘I’m so looking forward to our game of bridge,’ I said,