The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared

that must be at least four times faster than the self-propelled howitzer in which Kim Jong Il and the criminals were travelling.
     
    ‘Well,’ said Kim Il Sung haughtily but with interest. ‘Who are you, who has sent you and what was the purpose of your little deception?’
    Allan didn’t have time to answer before the door opened and the real Marshal Meretskov rushed in, shouting that the two men in the middle of the room were criminal camp prisoners and were planning an assassination.
    For a second, there were too many marshals and aides for the two soldiers with machine guns. But as soon as the prime minister satisfied himself that the new marshal was the real one, the soldiers could again focus on the imposters.
    ‘Take it easy, dear Kirill Afanasievich,’ said Kim Il Sung. ‘The situation is under control.’
    ‘You are going to die!’ said the furious Marshal Meretskov when he saw how Allan stood there in the marshal’s uniform with all his medals on his chest.
    ‘Yes, so they all say,’ Allan answered. ‘First the young Kim here, then the prime minister, and now you, Mr Marshal. The only one who hasn’t demanded my death is you,’ said Allan and turned to the prime minister’s guest. ‘I don’t know who you are, but I’m hoping you have a different opinion on that issue.’
    ‘I most certainly do not,’ the guest smiled back. ‘I am Mao Tse-tung, the leader of the People’s Republic of China, and I do not have any particular sympathy with somebody who wishes to harm my comrade Kim Il Sung.’
    ‘Mao Tse-tung!’ said Allan. ‘What an honour. Even if I am soon to be done away with, you mustn’t forget to give my regards to your beautiful wife.’
    ‘Do you know my wife?’ said Mao Tse-tung, amazed.
    ‘Yes, unless Mr Mao has changed wives recently; you’ve done that from time to time. Jiang Qing and I met in the Sichuan province some years ago. We hiked a bit in the mountains, together with a young boy called Ah Ming.’
    ‘Are you Allan Karlsson?’ said Mao Tse-tung, astonished. ‘My wife’s saviour?’
    Herbert Einstein didn’t understand very much, but he did understand that his friend Allan had nine lives, and that their certain death was on the way to being transformed into something else, again! This must not be allowed to happen! Herbert now acted in shock.
    ‘I’m escaping, I’m escaping, shoot me, shoot me!’ he shouted and rushed right through the room, opened the wrong door and hurled himself into a cleaning cupboard where he immediately fell over a bucket and mop.
    ‘Your comrade…’ said Mao Tse-tung. ‘He’s not exactly an Einstein, is he?’
    ‘Don’t say that,’ said Allan. ‘Don’t say that.’
     
    There was nothing strange about Mao Tse-tung being in the room, because Kim Il Sung had set up his headquarters in Manchurian China, just outside Shenyang in the Liaoning Province, about 500 kilometres north-west of Pyongyang. Mao liked to spend time in that area, where he had perhaps his strongest support. And he liked to be with his North Korean friend.
    Nevertheless, it took quite a while to sort out everything that must be sorted out, and get all those who wanted Allan’s head on a platter to reconsider.
    Marshal Meretskov was the first to hold out a forgiving hand. Allan Karlsson had after all suffered from Marshal Beria’s madness just like Meretskov himself (to be on the safe side, Allan omitted the little detail about how he had burned down all of Vladivostok). And when Allan proposed that he and the marshal should swap uniform jackets so that the marshal got back his medals, the marshal’s anger evaporated.
    Nor did Kim Il Sung, for his part, feel he had cause for anger. After all, Allan had never intended to harm the prime minister. Kim Il Sung’s only worry was that his son felt so betrayed.
    Young Kim still cried and shouted and continued to demand Allan’s immediate, and preferably violent, death. In the end, Kim Il Sung just boxed his son’s ear and told him to shut up immediately, or else he would get another wallop.
    Allan and Marshal Meretskov were asked to sit down on Kim Il Sung’s sofa, soon to be joined by a downhearted Herbert, once he had untangled himself from the contents of the cleaning cupboard.
    Allan’s identity was confirmed definitively when Mao Tse-tung’s twenty-year-old cook was called into the room. Allan and Ah Ming hugged each other for a long time until Mao ordered Ah Ming back into the kitchen to make