The Accidental Florist

plastic bottles of pomegranate juice that she thought might be good for a special salad dressing she’d seen as a recipe in a magazine. She’d also bought some Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream. She hadn’t purged the freezer, but she knew that Todd had eaten the last of the carton she thought she’d hidden to eat herself as a guilty pleasure from time to time.
    There were some new interesting chips and crackers as well. Parmesan Cheez-Its, of all things. And great big Wheat Thins, and a bag of York Peppermint Patties, which weren’t anywhere on the list, but were displayed next to the checkout line.
    When she got home, she realized that the pantry also needed purging before she could put anything more in it. After hiding the ice cream behind a big bag of Texas Toast, she put away everything else that had to go in the fridge and started on the pantry.
    There were soggy potato chips, three remaining Cheez-Its occupying a big box, Pringles that had also lost their crispness due to a missing lid, a box of Bisquick that felt solidified, many half-filled bags of various sizes and shapes of pastas, and three boxes of instant stuffing that had dates on the boxes that were three years old.
    She was filling a trash bag when the phone rang.
    Setting down the bag, she picked up the kitchen phone.
    “Jane, it’s Ted. Mother’s gone.“
    “Oh, Ted. I’m so sorry,“ Jane said, trying hard to sound sincere.
    “Jane, not even I am that sorry,“ Ted said.
    “How did it happen? Another stroke?“
    “Not exactly. There were protective plastic-covered bars around her bed to keep her from accidentally falling out of it. Apparently she’d been watching how the release button worked on the right side. She was only paralyzed on her left side. She apparently pressed the release button, and left her right arm between the bars, and catapulted out of the bed.“
    Jane smiled, and said, “Fighting life to the very last minute, wasn’t she?“
    Ted said, “It was what she did best.“ She could tell by his voice that he, too, was smiling.
    “Was anybody in the room with her?“ Jane asked.
    “Yes, one of the younger nurses. The nurse tried to catch her, but Mother was half again the nurse’s height and weight and broke several of the nurse’s fingers on the fall.
    Then she struck her head on the corner of the nightstand. They said she was dead before she even reached the floor.“
    “You’re not thinking of bringing legal suit against the nursing home, are you?“
    “Lord, no! Mother caused her own death, and injury to the nurse.“
    “She’ll be buried next to your father, I assume.“
    “Yes, they bought four lots ages ago.“
    “Let me know when the funeral will be, please.“
    “Jane, you don’t need to go. Dixie and the girls aren’t even going. It’s just going to be me and the church ladies. There will be a memorial service for our employees first.“
    “I need to be there to help you fend off the church ladies, Ted.“
    “I suppose that would help. I’ll let you know the date as soon as I can.“
    The memorial service for the local employees was planned for Tuesday, and the burial for Wednesday. Ted asked Jane if she could write up this information and turn it in to several of the local newspapers.
    It was the least she could do for Ted. Not Thelma.
    She was especially careful not to let her personal opinion show. Or anything emotional. Just where and when Thelma Johnson Jeffry had been born to start the piece. Jane had asked for this information when Mike was born and she was filling in his baby book. Too bad Katie and Todd didn’t have baby books. Between Mike’s birth and Katie’s she’d been too busy learning to be a cook, dishwasher, and diaper-changing mother.
    Anyway, she had the information about Thelma, and said she was the widow of Elmer Jeffry, the founder of the Jeffry Pharmacy chain. Time and place of interment.
    She faxed the notice to three newspapers, one of which was a county paper, with local school district schedules, sports events, local crimes of note, town picnics, and scholarships. The other newspapers were full of ads for jobs, notices of new local restrictions, lost pets, a list of local births, marriages, divorces, and funerals.
    Jane called Mel and said, “It’s Saturday and I’ve been to the grocery store. Please come for dinner. I’ll have tons of summer food.“
    She didn’t tell him about Thelma yet. It wasn’t something to announce over the