The Crippled God

want to … to drown again.’
    His reply was a frail whisper. ‘I cannot.’
    ‘Why not? I offer this to you. As a true measure of my gratitude. When a mortal communes with her god, is not the language love itself?’
    ‘My worshippers love me not, Lostara Yil. Besides, I have nothing worthy to give in exchange. I appreciate your offer—’
    ‘Listen, you shit, I’m trying to give you some of your humanity back. You’re a damned god – if you lose your passion where does that leave us?’
    The question clearly rocked him. ‘I do not doubt the path awaiting me, Lostara Yil. I am strong enough for it, right to the bitter end—’
    ‘I don’t doubt any of that. I felt you, remember? Listen, whatever that end you see coming … what I’m offering is to take away some of its bitterness. Don’t you see that?’
    He was shaking his head. ‘You don’t understand. The blood on my hands—’
    ‘Is now on my hands, too, or have you forgotten that?’
    ‘No. I possessed you—’
    ‘You think that makes a difference?’
    ‘I should not have come here.’
    ‘Probably not, but here you are, and that hood doesn’t hide everything. Very well, refuse my offer, but do you really think it’s just women who feel love? If you decide never again to feel … anything, then best you swear off possession entirely, Cotillion. Steal into us mortals and we’ll take what we need from you, and we’ll give in return whatever we own. If you’re lucky, it’ll be love. If you’re not lucky, well, Hood knows what you’ll get.’
    ‘I am aware of this.’
    ‘Yes, you must be. I’m sorry. But, Cotillion, you gave me more than your anger. Don’t you see that? The man I love does not now grieve for me. His love is not for a ghost, a brief moment in his life that he can never recapture. You gave us both a chance to live, and to love – it doesn’t matter for how much longer.’
    ‘I also spared the Adjunct, and by extension this entire army.’
    She cocked her head, momentarily disoriented. ‘Do you regret that?’
    He hesitated, and that silence rippled like ice-water through Lostara Yil.
    ‘While she lives,’ he said, ‘the path awaiting you, and this beleaguered,half-damned army, is as bitter as my own. To the suffering to come … ah, there are no gifts in any of this.’
    ‘There must be, Cotillion. They exist. They always do.’
    ‘Will you all die in the name of love?’ The question seemed torn from something inside him.
    ‘If die we must, what better reason?’
    He studied her for a dozen heartbeats, and then said, ‘I have been considering … amends.’
    ‘Amends? I don’t understand.’
    ‘Our youth,’ he murmured, as if he had not heard her, ‘the brightness of the sun. She chose to leave him. Because, I fear, of me, of what I did to her. It was wrong. All of it, so terribly wrong . Love … I’d forgotten.’
    The shadows deepened, and a moment later she was alone in her tent. She? Cotillion, listen to my prayer. For all your fears, love is not something you can forget. But you can turn your back on it. Do not do that . A god had sought her out. A god suffering desperate need. But she couldn’t give him what he desired – perhaps, she saw now, he’d been wise in rejecting what she’d offered. The first time, it was anger for love. But I saw no anger left in him .
    Always an even exchange. If I opened my love to him … whatever he had left inside himself, he didn’t want to give it to me . And that, she now comprehended, had been an act of mercy.
    The things said and the things not said. In the space in between, a thousand worlds. A thousand worlds .
    The Perish escort of two armoured, helmed and taciturn soldiers halted. The one on the left pointed and said to Bottle, ‘There, marine, you will find your comrades. They have gathered at the summons of their captain.’ To Masan Gilani and Ruthan Gudd, the soldier continued, ‘The Adjunct’s command tent lies elsewhere, but as we have come to the edge of the Bonehunter encampment, I expect you will have little difficulty in finding your own way.’
    ‘Much as we will miss your company,’ Ruthan Gudd said, ‘I am sure you are correct. Thank you for guiding us this far, sirs.’
    The figures – Bottle wasn’t even sure if they were men or women, and the voice of the one who’d spoken gave no hint whatsoever – bowed, and then turned about to retrace their routes.
    Bottle faced his companions. ‘We part here, then. Masan, I expect