The Dinosaur Feather

‘Shit, I need to buy flowers . . . how long is a funeral? Two hours? Three? Please would you tell Jens I can meet him at four thirty? At his place. Without Cecilie. And I want him to respect that. I can only stay an hour because I have an important lecture at the Bella Centre at six o’clock, and if Cecilie is there, I’ll leave immediately. All depending, of course, on whether you’re prepared to look after Lily? I’ll be back between seven and eight,’ she added. Karen thought it over.
    ‘Yes, that’s fine,’ she said. ‘But I want a favour in return. I want you to promise me to meet with Troels, properly. I want to be there. I want all three of us to get together and see if we can be friends again. If not, well, then I’ll just have to accept it. But I want you to give it a try, Anna.’
    Anna mulled it over, then she held out her hand.
    ‘Deal,’ she said.
    ‘Great,’ Karen replied.
    Jens called while Anna was in the shower.
    ‘He sounded surprised that I answered your mobile,’ Karen said. ‘I told him you were showering, but that you would be at his house at 4.30 p.m. And no Cecilie. He protested to begin with.’
    ‘Yes, it’s tough to do anything without Cecilie.’ Anna towel-dried her hair angrily.
    ‘Anyway, he agreed eventually. He sounded really upset.’
    Anna disappeared into her bedroom to find some suitable clothes. She decided on black jeans, a thin black sweater and plimsolls.
    ‘You can’t wear that,’ Karen objected. ‘Plimsolls?’
    ‘I wear what I want,’ Anna said. ‘They’ll just have to take me as they find me.’
    They hung out in the living room for another hour. Lily and Karen played with Duplo bricks on the floor and Anna sprawled in an armchair she had dragged to the window. She looked across the rooftops. There was a huge lump in her throat and every time she closed her eyes, she saw Johannes. His bad skin, his soft gaze, and his hair with that awful ginger dye that was growing out. Lily came over to her chair.
    ‘Mummy’s crying,’ she said. Anna looked at her daughter. She was about to shake her head, deny it, wipe away her tears and lie, but suddenly the light outside changed and it was as if Lily’s small head glowed.
    ‘I feel really sad,’ she said. ‘Because I have a friend I can’t visit any more.’
    ‘Why not?’ Lily asked.
    ‘Because he’s dead. He’s in Heaven.’ Anna pointed to the clouds which had parted and, for a moment, the columns of light beamed down on to the earth. Lily looked in the direction of Anna’s finger and narrowed her eyes.
    ‘He’s kicking a ball around. I think he’s happy. Heaven is a good place, but I’m here on earth and I’m sad because we can’t see each other.’
    ‘I want to go to Heaven,’ Lily said, looking longingly out of the window. Anna lifted her daughter up on her lap.
    ‘You will one day,’ she said. ‘But first you need to be here on earth with your mum for a long time.’ Lily snuggled up to Anna for a few seconds. Then she climbed down.
    ‘I want to play with Auntie Karen,’ she said.
    Karen had been watching them.
    ‘It’s terrible what happened to . . . your friend,’ she said quietly. ‘What was his name?’
    ‘Johannes.’
    ‘It’s terrible what happened to Johannes.’
    Anna nodded.
    Shortly afterwards Anna put on her army jacket and pulled the hood up.
    ‘You’re wearing that?’ Karen stared at Anna in disbelief. Anna zipped her jacket up to her chin and flashed her yellow eyes at Karen.
    ‘Yep,’ she replied. Then she left.
    Anna recognised Professor Freeman immediately. He stood outside the church, next to an impeccably dressed younger man, digging his shoe into the gravel like a child. Anna approached with caution and tried to hide inside her jacket, until she remembered that Freeman didn’t know what she looked like. She positioned herself fifteen metres away from him, and when he entered the church she followed and took a seat in the pew opposite, two rows behind where she could keep an eye on him all the time.
    Birgit and Nanna Helland were standing beside the coffin. Anna watched Mrs Helland. She smiled feebly, she hugged some mourners, put her hand on her daughter’s neck, smiled again, spoke to someone. Suddenly she looked straight at Anna. For two seconds. Deeply into her eyes, eyes filled with pain, before she quickly averted them. Mrs Helland never looked at Anna again. Not once.
    Søren appeared next to her.
    ‘Good to see you,’ he said,