The Fifth Elephant

was a torrent of whispers. Vimes couldn’t understand, but he caught the word “Wilinus.” And, shortly afterward, the word “hr’grag,” Dwarfish for “thirty.”
    “Oh gods,” he said. “And a dog?”
    “Good guess, sir,” said Cheery.
    The document was handed back, hurriedly. Vimes could read the body language, even written smaller than usual—there was probably an expensive problem here, so the guards were inclined to leave it to someone who earned more money than they did.
    One of them pulled a bellpull by the door. After some time, the door slid open, revealing a small room.
    “We have to go in, sir,” said Cheery.
    “But there’s no other doors!”
    “It’s all right, sir.”
    Vimes stepped inside. The dwarfs slid the door back, leaving them in the room lit only by one candle.
    “Some kind of waiting room?” said Vimes.
    Somewhere far off, something went clonk. The floor trembled for a moment, and then Vimes has an uneasy sensation of movement.
    “The room moves ?” he said.
    “Yes, sir. Several hundred feet down, probably. I think it’s all done by counterweights.”
    They stood silently, unsure of what to say, as walls around them creaked and groaned. Then there was a rattle, a passing sensation of weight, and the room stopped moving.
    “Wherever we’re headed, keep your ears open,” said Vimes. “Something’s going on, I can feel it…”
    The door slid back.
    Vimes looked out onto the night sky, underground. The stars were all around him…below him…
    “I think we went down…too far,” he said. And then his brain made sense of what his eyes had seen. The moving room had brought them out somewhere on the side of a huge cave. He was looking at a thousand points of candlelight, spread out on the cavern floor and in other galleries. Now that he could grasp the scale of things, he realized that many of them were moving.
    The air was full of one huge sound made up of thousands of voices, echoed and re-echoing. Occasionally a shout or a laugh would stand out, but mostly it was just an endless sea of sound, beating on the shores of the eardrum.
    “I thought you people lived in little mines,” said Vimes.
    “Well, I thought humans lived in little cottages, sir,” said Cheery, taking a candle from a large rack beside the door and lighting it. “And then I saw Ankh-Morpork.”
    There was something recognizable about the way the lights were moving. A whole constellation of them was heading in toward one invisible wall, where reflected light now indicated, very faintly, the mouth of a large tunnel. In front of it was a row of lights.
    Think of it as a lot of people heading for something which one row of people was…guarding.
    “People down there aren’t happy,” said Vimes. “That looks like a mob to me. Look, you can tell by the way they move…”
    “Commander Vimes?”
    He turned. In the gloom he could make out several dwarfs, each with a candle fixed to his helmet. In front of them was, presumably, another dwarf.
    He’d seen clothes like this in Ankh-Morpork, but always scurrying away. This was…a deep-down dwarf.
    It was wearing some sort of robe made of overlapping leather plates. Instead of the small round iron helmet which Vimes had always thought dwarfs were born with, it had a pointed leather hat with more leather flaps all around it. The one at the front had been tied up, to allow the wearer to look out at the world, or at least that part of it that was underground. The general effect was of a mobile cone.
    “Er…yes, that’s me,” said Vimes.
    “Welcome to Shmaltzberg, Your Excellency. I am the king’s jar’ahk’haga , which in your language you would call—”
    But Vimes’s lips had been moving fast as he tried to translate.
    “Ideas…taster?” he said.
    “Hah! That would be a way of putting it, yes. My name…is Dee. Would you care to follow me? This should not take long.”
    The figure swept away. One of the other dwarfs prodded Vimes very gently, indicating that he should follow.
    The sound from far below redoubled. Someone was yelling.
    “Is there some problem?” said Vimes, catching up with the fast-moving Dee.
    “We have no problems.”
    Ah, he’s already lied to me, thought Vimes. We’re being diplomatic.
    Vimes trailed after the dwarf through more caves. Or tunnels…it was hard to tell, because in the darkness Vimes could only rely on a sense of the space around him. Occasionally they passed the lighted entrance to another cave or