The Fifth Elephant

you had…
    On the other hand, the Tooth Fairy probably wasn’t responsible for putting it in the pillow, unless she’d been having to face some particularly difficult children lately.
    He slipped it back into the bag when he became aware of a light. It was the faintest glow, showing that the door contained a barred window and that there were shadowy figures on the other side of it.
    “Are you awake, Your Grace? This is very unfortunate.”
    “Dee?”
    “Yes.”
    “And you’ve come to tell me this has all been some terrible mistake?”
    “Alas, no. I am convinced of your innocence, of course.”
    “Really? Me too,” growled Vimes. “In fact I’m so convinced of my innocence I don’t even know what it is I’m innocent of! Let me out or—”
    “—or you will stay in, I am afraid,” said Dee. “It is a very strong door. You are not in Ankh-Morpork, Your Grace. I will of course communicate your predicament to your Lord Vetinari as soon as possible, but I understand that the message tower has been badly damaged—”
    “My predicament is that you’ve locked me up! Why? I saved your king, didn’t I?”
    “There is…conflict…”
    “Someone let that chandelier down!”
    “Yes, indeed. A member of your staff, it appears.”
    “You know that can’t be true! Detritus and Littlebottom were with me when—”
    “Mister Skimmer was on your staff?”
    “He…Yes, but…I…he wouldn’t—”
    “I believe you have such a thing in Ankh-Morpork called the Guild of Assassins?” said Dee, calmly. “Correct me if I am wrong.”
    “He was up at the tower!”
    “The damaged tower?”
    “It was damaged before he—” Vimes stopped. “Why would he smash up one of the towers?”
    “I did not say he would,” said Dee. The flat calm was still there. “And then, Your Grace, it has been suggested that you gave a signal just before the thing came down…”
    “What?”
    “A hand to the cheek, or something. It has been suggested that you anticipated the event.”
    “The thing was swaying! Look, let me talk to Skimmer!”
    “Do you have supernatural powers, Your Grace?”
    Vimes hesitated.
    “He’s dead?”
    “We believe he became entangled in the winch mechanism in the process of releasing the chandelier. Three dwarfs were dead around him.”
    “He wouldn’t—”
    Vimes stopped again. Of course he wouldn’t. It’s just that he’s a member of this Guild we have, and you certainly know that, don’t you—
    Dee must have seen his expression.
    “Quite so, quite so. Everything will be investigated thoroughly. The innocent have nothing to fear.”
    The news that they have nothing to fear is guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of innocents everywhere.
    “What have you done with Sybil?”
    “Done, Your Grace? Why…nothing. We are not barbarians. We have heard nothing but good reports of your wife. She is upset, of course.”
    Vimes groaned. “And Detritus and Littlebottom?”
    “Well, of course they were under your command, Your Grace. And one is a troll and the other is…dangerously different. And that is why, and precisely for that reason, that they are under house arrest in your own embassy. We do respect the traditions of diplomacy, and we will not have it said that we have acted out of malice.” Dee sighed. “And then, of course, there is the other matter—”
    “Are you going to accuse me of stealing the Scone, too?”
    “You laid hands on the king.”
    Vimes stared. “Huh? A ton of candlestick was about to fall on him!”
    “This has been pointed out—”
    “And I’m imprisoned for saving him from an assassination attempt I planned?”
    “Are you?”
    “No! Look, the thing was coming down, what else should I have done? Tugged at the carpet and try to drag him away?”
    “Yes, yes, I understand. But precedent in this area is very clear. In 1345, when the king at the time fell into a lake, not one member of his staff dared touch him because of the ruling, and the subsequent finding was that they had acted correctly. It is forbidden to touch the king. I have of course explained to the conclave that this is not the Ankh-Morpork way, but…this is not Ankh-Morpork.”
    “I don’t need everyone reminding me about that!”
    “You will remain…our guest while investigations continue. Food and drink will be brought to you.”
    “And light?”
    “Of course. Excuse our lack of consideration. Stand back from the door, please. The guards with me are armed and they