The Flesh Cartel, #10: False Gods

Foolish. Dangerous. He was trapped here, could never go home, could never escape his fate. Whatever glimmer of hope he might’ve been holding out for that, it was gone now. Mat had ruined that too. He couldn’t go backward. And the only way forward now was through. Suck it up. Take his licks. Put himself in Nikolai’s hands again, no matter how much they were sure to hurt him. At least, when it was over, there’d be no more pain. No more confusion. No more doubt. “Yes, sir.”
    “And I suppose I owe you an apology, too, for not recognizing how weak and impressionable you still are. That you wouldn’t be able to understand the nuance between a man who merely seeks to dominate you, and one who truly deserves to.”
    Nikolai pressed Dougie against his chest, wrapped his arms around Dougie’s back and rested his chin on the top of Dougie’s head. Loving and possessive all at once, as if to demonstrate what a deserving man felt like.
    Was returning to the fold really going to be this easy, after everything?
    No. This won’t be easy because you still hate it all. You’ll always hate it all if he doesn’t destroy you again. Break you. Remake you.
    Maybe this time, if he was lucky, Nikolai wouldn’t leave any stray bits of his old self lying around to trip him up again.
    Apparently, hug time was over; Nikolai eased him back, held him by the shoulders and looked down into his eyes. “So I’m sorry, Douglas, I truly am, but I also can’t let this behavior stand. You clearly have lessons yet to learn. Time to teach you the difference between a master and a common brute bully.”
    Yes. Please. I need it. I don’t want to hate anymore.
    “And, while we’re at it, remind you of the value of a master who loves you. Who values and cherishes you. Who cares for your happiness.”
    God yes. Tell me. Whatever it is, I’ll do it. Make me love you again. Make me love myself again. Please.
    “Remember when I taught you the value of pleasure?”
    The plugs. The cage. The milking. Days and days and days of horrible pain, ending in surrender and revelation and sweet release.
    “Yes, sir.”
    “How did I teach you that lesson, Douglas?”
    “Through denial, sir.”
    “Very good. And now is the time to deny you again.”
    Of love. Pleasure. Happiness. All the gifts Nikolai had given him over the past weeks and months. God, please, no. No, no, no.
    “Starting with these.” Dougie hadn’t seen Nikolai draw a knife, but there it was, wicked sharp and long and curved and glittering with firelight like it had been forged in hell. With his other hand, Nikolai grasped the fabric of Dougie’s coat. “These clothes were a gift, Douglas, and you sullied them. You used them against me.”
    “I’m sorry!” Dougie sobbed, because Jesus, he really was—sorry he’d ever followed Mat out that door, sorry he’d ever been reminded of before , sorry he’d angered Nikolai and especially sorry that he’d slid back so far, so far, would have to suffer so fucking much again to become something he didn’t even fucking want to be . But it was too late again, too fucking late, like every fucking thing this whole fucking night. The glinting tip of the blade slid beneath the collar of Dougie’s coat. One swift, decisive movement, and the fabric split, feathers and down flying everywhere, and all Dougie could think was He’s going to make me clean this up later and it’s going to take me all fucking night . Another slice. Another. Another. Surgically precise. The fabric slumped from Dougie’s shoulders and then fell to the floor in ragged pieces.
    Nikolai made quick work of his sweater, and then had Dougie stand so he could cut the button from the fly of his jeans before tugging the denim taut and slicing down from Dougie’s waist all the way to right behind his balls. A twist of the blade from there and Nikolai had split the seam wide, opening the most vulnerable part of his body to the sharp tip of the blade.
    He felt the flat of the knife scrape along that sensitive skin, and then it turned, following his inseam down until the whole pant leg hung open. The other leg next. The jeans fell, scraps of denim pooling at his feet. Dougie realized he was panting, his newly naked body slick with sweat.
    Would Nikolai fuck him now? Complete this ritual, reassert his place as master? Dougie almost wished he would. It was easy to give his body, even if it was painful, even if Nikolai didn’t prepare him at all. It would be easy to