The Forever of Ella and Micha

other hand toward me. “Now come over here. You’re scaring the shit out of me.”
    “I don’t know if I can,” I say softly, raising my head back up as I rotate to face him. “I’m not sure if I want to.”
    He dares a step closer and his thick eyelashes blink fiercely against the down pour. “Yes, you do. You’re stronger than that.” His hand begs me closer. “Please, just get over here.”
    Staring down at the black water, my body starts to drift.
    “I swear to God, Ella!” Micha shouts, his tone sharp, his muscles tense. “Give me your hand!”
    I snap out of my daze and tangle my fingers with his. His other hand captures my waist and he leads us swiftly back to the railing, lifting me over it. My feet settle onto the concrete of the bridge that is pooledwith puddles. Lights on the beams illuminate the night and Micha’s car is parked in the middle of the bridge with the driver’s door open and the engine and headlights on.
    He hops over the railing and then his arms are around me, embracing me securely, like he’s afraid to let go. For a second, it feels okay, weightless and uncontrolled. I tuck my face into his chest, the wet fabric damp against my chilled skin. The scent of him takes me to a place I wish I could go back to—my childhood. Back when things weren’t as heavy because I was too immature to grasp the full reality of life.
    Micha pulls back and smoothes my wet hair out of my eyes. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. I can’t do this without you.”
    But he needs to figure out life without this perception of me, because I don’t know how long I can keep doing it without drowning.
    “Micha, I…” The look on his face silences my lips.
    He knows what I’m about to say—he always does. He is my best friend, my soul mate. In a perfect world, full of roses and sunshine we’d be together, but this world is full of broken homes, drunken fathers, and mothers who give up easily.
    “I’m sorry.” I cling to him as I say my final good-bye. “I didn’t want to think anymore. It was just toomuch and my mind wouldn’t slow down. But it’s alright now. I can think clearly again.”
    He cups my cheek, his thumb searing hot as he traces the pad lightly across my cheekbone. “Next time come to me—don’t just run.
Please
. I know things are hard right now, but it’ll get better. We’ve always made it through every single bad thing thrown at us.” Beads of water trickle in his eyelashes, along his cheeks, over his full lips. There’s a shift in the air, one I’ve felt coming for a long time.
    His lips part. “Ella, I love—”
    I crush my lips against his, hushing him and melting our bodies together. I allow his tongue to caress mine, letting him suck the rain from my bottom lip and savor the taste of me. We arc into each other, like we can’t get enough and heat flows through our drenched clothes, warming my skin. I could let it go on forever, but that would be wrong.
    The girl he thinks he loves needs to disappear. I don’t want tonight to be irreversible, so I pull away, breathing him in one last time. Then I walk away, leaving him on the bridge in the rain, along with the old Ella.

Chapter One
    8 months later…

Ella
    I despise mirrors. Not because I hate my reflection or that I suffer from Eisoptrophobia. Mirrors see straight through my façade. They know who I used to be; a loud spoken, reckless girl, who showed what she felt to the world. There were no secrets with me.
    But now secrets define me.
    If a reflection revealed what was on the outside, I’d be okay. My long auburn hair goes well with my pale complexion. My legs are extensively long and with heels, I’m taller than most of the guys I know. But I’m comfortable with it. It’s what’s buried deep inside that frightens me because it’s broken, like a shattered mirror.
    I tape one of my old sketches over the mirror on the dorm wall. It’s almost completely concealed bydrawings and obscures all of my reflection except for my green eyes, which are frosted with infinite pain and secrets.
    I pull my hair into a messy bun and place my charcoaled pencils into a box on my bed, packing them with my other art supplies.
    Lila skips into the room with a cheery smile on her face and a drink in her hand. “Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m so glad it’s over.”
    I pick up a roll of packing tape off the dresser. “Oh my God! Oh my god!” I joke. “What are you drinking?”
    She tips the cup at me and winks.