The Game

unhooking a bra is something you learn from experience.”
    “I have a plan, though. Want to hear it?”
    “Um, sure.”
    “What I’m going to do is take one of my mom’s bras and tie it around a pole or something. Then I’m gonna walk toward the pole blindfolded like in pin the tail on the donkey, reach the bra, and try to undo it.”
    I gave him a funny look. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
    “I’m dead serious,” he said. “It’s a legit way to learn, and you know it’ll work too.”
    “How was the sex this time?”
    “It was like last time. I fucked her beyond belief, for probably a half hour straight. I was very hard and luscious. But I couldn’t spunk a load. I hate this shit. Seriously, I really want to blow it during sex.”
    “You’re probably thinking about it too much. Or maybe you’re just not into the girls, emotionally.”
    “Or maybe I just adore the tight grip I use for masturbating,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “I think I got my first blow job, too. Like, I saw her head near my penis, and I couldn’t tell whether she was sucking or not. But it was cool when my balls were licked.”
    Grimble walked by and clapped a hand on my shoulder. “The seminar’s starting again,” he told me. “Steve P. and Rasputin are speaking, and you definitely don’t want to miss them.”
    I stood up and left Extramask at the table, alone with his apple juice.
    “You know what else I did?” he yelled after me as I left. “I fingered her!”
    I turned back to look at him. He made me laugh. He pretended to be so confused and helpless, but maybe he was smarter than all of us.
    “The inside of a vagina isn’t at all what I thought it would feel like,” he shouted excitedly. “It feels very organized.”
    Maybe not.

Though David DeAngelo taught the seminars on cocky funny, the undisputed heavyweight of the genre was a forty-year-old Canadian writer known as Zan. Where PUAs like Mystery advocated going under the radar, Zan flaunted the fact that he was a ladies’ man. He considered himself a seducer in the tradition of Casanova and Zorro, and enjoyed dressing up as them for costume parties. In four years on the seduction boards, he never once asked for advice; he only gave it.

    MSN GROUP: Mystery’s Lounge
    SUBJECT: Zan’s Cocky Funny Waitress Technique
    AUTHOR: Zan

    One thing I have going for me is that I am fearless around women. My method is very simple. Every single thing a girl says or does to me is an IOI. Period. She wants me. It doesn’t matter who she is. And when you believe that, they start to believe it too.
    I am a slave to my love of women. They can sense it. The weakness of women is language and words. Fortunately, that is one of my strong points. If they try to repel my advances, I act like they are from Mars and what they are saying doesn’t make any sense.
    I never try to defend myself or apologize for being a womanizer. Why? Because a reputation is attractive to women. It’s true. I am the other man who guys worry about when they marry a girl.
    So with that in mind, I’d like to share with you today my patented cocky funny waitress technique:
    Usually when a group of guys is confronted with a new and devastatingly pretty waitress, they stare at her ass when she walks by, then talk about her behind her back. But when she comes to their table, they become downright courteous and nice and act like they are not interested in her.
    Instead, I go cocky funny immediately. I am going to be very detailed in my description of what I do because I think some guys don’t really understand cocky funny role-playing.
    When I see her coming toward us, I immediately engage a buddy across the table in seemingly deep conversation. I make sure to face my body away from her.
    When she comes up and asks us what we would like to drink, I ignore her for a few seconds or so. Then I glance in her direction and pretend I am just now seeing her for the very first time. Immediately, I show great interest in her—as if she were a new discovery. I glance quickly at her body, just long enough for her to notice, then turn myself fully around to face her. A big smile and a wink, and the game begins.
HER: What can I get for you?
    ZAN: ( Ignoring the question ) Hello, I haven’t seen you around before. What’s your name?
    HER: My name is Stephanie. What’s yours?
    ZAN: I’m Zan. And I will have a gin and tonic. ( Big smile )
    So far I’ve broken the ice a bit and, by exchanging names,