The Hardest Thing

fights. I spent more time dealing with internal disciplinary issues than I did with insurgents—what was left of them.
    Will Laurence was just another sullen young marine who’d been causing trouble around the camp, getting into fights—and now he’d whacked a gunnery sergeant so hard he’d dislocated the guy’s jaw.
    Will stood in front of my desk like a thousand kids before him, arms by his sides, head up, shoulders back,
staring at a spot on the wall somewhere above my head. Sure, he was cute—brown hair, big blue eyes, narrow waist—but when you’ve served in the marines for as long as I had, you stop noticing. You’re surrounded by candy all day, every day. Sometimes it’s hard to ignore—when they’re playing volleyball stripped to the waist, or in the showers, horsing around with soap and water—but for the most part, I could look at all that beauty without turning a hair.
    “So, Corporal Laurence.”
    “Sir.”
    “Fighting.” I sighed. “Anything to say?”
    “No, sir.”
    “Looks like you got a beating.” He was grazed on his left cheekbone, and the skin around the eye was discolored. I knew from the report that the other guy came off a lot worse.
    “Yes, sir.”
    “And I believe you struck a superior. Sergeant Hall.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “That’s a serious offence, Corporal.”
    He blushed, but said nothing. Good boy. Observing the code. Settle things like men. Don’t go whining to the officers.
    “Well, Corporal Laurence, I’m looking at your service record, and it seems like you’re a pretty good marine.”
    “Sir.”
    “So you must have had a reason for fucking up like this.”
    No response, eyes fixed on the wall, high color in his
face, a little sweat on the temples. He was starting to look more interesting to me. Break down the bravado of these boys, get them on the wrong foot when they’re faced with authority, and the fun begins.
    “Seems a shame, when you’re up for promotion, Will.”
    He glanced down, surprised by the familiarity. I smiled.
    “What’s the story, then? Come on. Tell me. Oh, for god’s sake—at ease, corporal.”
    He relaxed his spine, dropped his shoulders and moved his feet apart. “It’s nothing, sir, honestly.”
    “I’m not asking you to squeal, Will. I just want to know why you’d mix it with an asshole like Sergeant Hall.”
    That got him, and he looked me straight in the eye. “Sir?”
    “I know all about Hall. He’s a meathead and a retard, and he only made it to the rank of Gunnery Sergeant because he’s useful in combat. The rest of the time, he’s a dick.”
    Will’s mouth twitched into a smile. “He sure is.” When he wasn’t barking his responses in the approved jarhead style, he had a slow, lazy accent—Tennessee, maybe, or South Carolina.
    “And has he been giving you a hard time?”
    “Nothing I can’t handle, sir.”
    “So I see. You busted his jaw.”
    “Dislocated it, sir.”
    “Very considerate of you.”
    “I was thinking of the medics, sir. Didn’t want to inconvenience them.”

    He held my gaze for five seconds, and then we both started laughing.
    “Okay, Will. Sit down.” He obeyed. “Now listen to me. I’ve got enough on my plate without having to make this into a disciplinary matter. If you tell me that Hall was giving you a hard time, I’ll just put this down to youthful high spirits, okay? I don’t like bullying, and I guess that’s what he was doing.”
    Will said nothing, but his gaze was clear and steady.
    “And I guess he was abusive and threatening and so on. Correct me if I’m wrong.”
    “You’re right, sir.”
    “Just out of curiosity, what did he say?”
    “He called me a queer, sir.”
    “Ah.” We had skated on to thin ice. A few careless words was all it would take to get us both into deep water. He knew it, and I knew it.
    Don’t ask, don’t tell.
    “Okay, Corporal Laurence,” I said, tidying his papers and trying to sound like a captain of the U.S. Marine Corps rather than a nervous teenager hoping for a first date, “I think we can close the file on this one. Just keep away from Hall and his boys in future.”
    “I’ll do my best, sir.”
    He was still sitting on the other side of the desk; damn, he suddenly looked hot to me, and I wanted him badly. Right now. Over the desk, if necessary.
    “That’s all, Corporal.”
    He stood up and saluted. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” But now he wasn’t staring at the wall. He was looking into my eyes, and I was