The Heroes

cavalry ahead, he hoped, General Mitterick among them, ready to pop his skull with anger.
    Nothing. Try to relax or try to push? Bloody typical, that would be, all this effort and he found he couldn’t go. To make matters worse the wind was keen and it was freezing the end of his prick. The man holding up the flag on his left, a grizzled old Carl with a great scar right across one cheek, was watching his efforts with a slightly puzzled expression.
    ‘Can you not look?’ snapped Calder.
    ‘Sorry, Chief.’ And he cleared his throat and almost daintily averted his eyes.
    Maybe it was being called Chief that got him over the hump. Calder felt that hint of pain down in his bladder, and he grinned, let it build, let his head drop back, looked up at the bruised sky.
    ‘Hah.’ Piss showered out, drops shining in the lamplight, and spattered all over the first flag with a sound like rain on the daisies. Behind Calder, a wave of laughter swept down the lines. Easily pleased, maybe, but large bodies of fighting men don’t tend to go for subtle jokes. They go for shit, and piss, and people falling over.
    ‘And some for you too.’ He sent a neat arc across the other flag, and he smirked towards the Union as wide as he could. Behind him men started to jump up, and dance about, and jeer across the barley. He might not be much of a warrior, or a leader, but he knew how to make men laugh, and how to make them angry. With his free hand he pointed up at the sky, and he gave a great whoop, and he shook his hips around and sent piss shooting all over the place. ‘I’d shit on ’em too,’ he shouted over his shoulder, ‘but I’m all bound up from White-Eye’s stew!’
    ‘I’ll shit on ’em!’ someone shrieked, to a scattering of shrill chuckles.
    ‘Save it for the Union, you can shit on them when they get here!’
    And the men whooped and laughed, shook their weapons at the sky and clattered them against their shields and sent up quite the happy din. A couple had even climbed up on the wall and were pissing at the Union lines themselves. Maybe they found it a good deal funnier because they knew what was coming, just across the other side of the barley, but still Calder smiled to hear it. At least he’d stood up, and done one thing worth singing about. At least he’d given his father’s men a laugh. His brother’s men. His men.
    Before they all got fucking murdered.
    Beck thought he could hear laughter echoing on the wind, but he’d no idea what anyone might have to laugh about. It was getting light enough to see across the valley now. Light enough to get an idea of the Union’s numbers. To begin with Beck hadn’t believed those faint blocks on the other side of the shallows could be solid masses of men. Then he’d tried to make himself believe they weren’t. Now there was no denying it.
    ‘There are thousands of ’em,’ he breathed.
    ‘I know!’ Whirrun was nearly jumping with happiness. ‘And the more there are, the more our glory, right, Craw?’
    Craw took a break from chewing his nails. ‘Oh, aye. I wish there were twice as many.’
    ‘By the dead, so do I!’ Whirrun dragged in a long breath and blew it through a beaming smile. ‘But you never know, maybe they’ve got more out of sight!’
    ‘We can hope,’ grunted Yon out of the corner of his mouth.
    ‘I fucking love war!’ squeaked Whirrun. ‘I fucking love it, though, don’t you?’
    Beck didn’t say anything.
    ‘The smell of it. The feel of it.’ He rubbed one hand up and down the stained sheath of his sword, making a faint swishing sound. ‘War is honest. There’s no lying to it. You don’t have to say sorry here. Don’t have to hide. You cannot. If you die? So what? You die among friends. Among worthy foes. You die looking the Great Leveller in the eye. If you live? Well, lad, that’s living, isn’t it? A man isn’t truly alive until he’s facing death.’ Whirrun stamped his foot into the sod. ‘I love war! Just a shame Ironhead’s down there on the Children. Do you reckon they’ll even get all the way up here, Craw?’
    ‘Couldn’t say.’
    ‘I reckon they will. I hope they will. Better come before the rain starts, though. That sky looks like witch’s work, eh?’ It was true there was a strange colour to the first hint of sunrise, great towers of sullen-looking cloud marching in over the fells to the north. Whirrun bounced up and down on his toes. ‘Oh, bloody hell, I can’t wait!’
    ‘Ain’t they people