The Last Continent

it. The world had seen what happened when wizards got their hands on enormous amounts of magical power. It had happened a long time ago and there were still some areas where you didn’t go, if you wanted to walk out on the same kind of feet that you’d had when you went in.
    Once upon a time the plural of “wizard” was “war.”
    But the great, open ingenious purpose of UU was to be the weight on the arm of magic, causing it to swing with grave majesty like a pendulum rather than spin with deadly purpose like a morningstar. Instead of hurling fireballs at one another from fortified towers the wizards learned to snipe at their colleagues over the interpretation of Faculty Council minutes, and long ago were amazed to find that they got just as much vicious fun out of it. They consumed big dinners, and after a really good meal and a fine cigar even the most rabid Dark Lord is inclined to put his feet up and feel amicable towards the world, especially if it’s offering him another brandy. And slowly, and by degrees, they absorbed the most important magical power of all, which is the one that persuades you to stop using all the others.
    The trouble is that it’s easy to abstain from sweets when you’re not standing knee deep in treacle and it’s raining sugar.
    “There does indeed seem to be a certain…tang in the air,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. Magic tastes like tin.
    “Hold on a moment,” said Ridcully. He reached up, pulled open one of the many drawers in his wizarding hat, and removed a cube of greenish glass.
    “Here we are,” he said, handing it to Ponder.
    Ponder took the thaumometer and peered into it.
    “Never used it myself,” Ridcully said. “Wetting a finger and holding it up has always been good enough for me.”
    “It’s not working!” said Ponder, tapping the thaumometer as the ship rocked under them. “The needle’s…Oow!”
    He dropped the cube, which was molten by the time it hit the deck.
    “That’s impossible!” he said. “These things are good up to a million thaums!”
    Ridcully licked his finger and held it up. It sprouted a halo of purple and octarine.
    “Yep, that’s about right,” he said.
    “There’s not that much magic anywhere any more!” shouted Ponder.
    There was a gale behind the boat now. Ahead, the wall of storm was widening and seemed to be a lot blacker.
    “How much magic does it take to create a continent?” said Ridcully.
    They looked up at the clouds. And further up.
    “We’d better batten down the hatches,” said the Dean.
    “We don’t have any hatches.”
    “Batten down Mrs. Whitlow at least. Get the Bursar and the Librarian somewhere safe—”
    They hit the storm.

    Rincewind dropped into an alley and reflected that he’d been in far worse prisons. The Ecksians were a friendly lot, when not drunk or trying to kill you or both. What Rincewind looked for in a good gaol were guards who, instead of ruining everyone’s night by prowling around the corridors, got together in one room with a few tins and a pack of cards and relaxed. It made it so much more…friendly. And, of course, easier to walk past.
    He turned—and there was the kangaroo, huge and bright and outlined against the sky. Rincewind shrank back for a moment and then realized that it was nothing but an advertising sign on the roof of a building some way off and further down the hill. Someone had rigged up lamps and mirrors below it.
    It had a hat on, with some stupid holes for its ears to stick out, and it wore a vest as well, but it was certainly the kangaroo. No other kangaroo could possibly smirk like that. And it was holding a tin of beer.
    “Where did you drift in from, curly?” said a voice behind him.
    It was a very familiar voice. It had a sort of complaining wheedle in it. It was a voice that kept looking out of the corners of its eyes and was always ready to dodge. It was a voice you could have used to open a bottle of whine.
    He turned. And the figure in front of him, except for a few details, was as familiar as the voice.
    “You can’t be called Dibbler,” said Rincewind.
    “Why not?”
    “Because—Well, how did you get here ?”
    “What? I just came up Berk Street,” said the figure. It had a large hat, and large shorts, and large boots, but in every other respect it was the double of the man who, in Ankh-Morpork, was always there after the pubs shut to sell you one of his very special meat pies. Rincewind had a theory that there was a Dibbler