The Last Continent

Dibbler.”
    “What kind of thing is that to say?”
    “You put pies upside down in runny peas and then put sauce on them. Someone actually sat down one day, after midnight if I’m any judge, and thought that would be a good idea. No one will ever believe this one.” Rincewind looked at the submerged pie. “That’s going to make the story about the land of the giant walking plum puddings look very tame, I don’t mind telling you. No wonder you people drink so much beer…” *
    He stepped out into the flickering lamplight of the street, shaking his head.
    “You actually eat the pies here,” he said mournfully, and looked up into the face of the warder. There were several watchmen behind him.
    “That’s him!”
    Rincewind nodded cheerfully. “G’day!” he said.
    Two little thuds were his homemade sandals bouncing on the street.

The sea steamed and crackling balls of lightning zipped across its surface like drops of water on a hotplate.
    The waves were too big to be waves, but about the right size for mountains. Ponder looked up from the deck only once, just as the boat began to slide down a trough that gaped like a canyon.
    Next to him, and gripping his leg, the Dean groaned.
    “You know about this sort of thing, Ponder,” he growled, as they hit the trough and then began the stomach-twisting climb to the next crest. “Are we going to die?”
    “I…don’t think so, Dean…”
    “Pity…”

    Rincewind heard whistles blowing behind him by the time he reached the corner, but he never let that sort of thing worry him.
    This was a city! Cities were so much easier. He was a creature of cities. There were so many places to—
    Whistles started blowing up ahead as well.
    The crowds were thicker here, and most people were heading in the same direction. But Rincewind liked crowds to run through. As the pursued, he had novelty on his side and could shoulder his way past the unsuspecting, who then turned around and milled about and complained and were definitely not in the right frame of mind to greet the people following him. Rincewind could run through a crowd like a ball on a bagatelle board, and always got an extra go.
    Downhill was best. That’s where they generally put docks, so as to have them close to the water.
    Dodging and ducking across the streets brought him, suddenly, to the waterside. There were a few boats there. They were on the small side for a stowaway, but—
    There were running footsteps in the dark!
    These watchmen were too good!
    This wasn’t how it was supposed to go!
    They weren’t supposed to double-back. They weren’t supposed to think .
    He ran in the only direction left, along the waterfront.
    There was a building there. At least, it…well, it had to be a building. No one could have left an open box of tissues that big.
    Rincewind felt that a building should be a box with a pointed lid on it, basically, and it should be the approximate color of whatever the local mud was. On the other hand, as the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle once remarked, it is never wise to object to the decor of a hidey-hole.
    He bounded up the steps and circled around the strange white building. It seemed to be some kind of music hall. Opera, by the sound of it, although it was a damn funny place to sing opera, you couldn’t imagine ladies with horns in a building that looked about to set sail, but no time to wonder about that, there was a door with some rubbish bins outside it and here was the door open …
    “You from the agency, mate?”
    Rincewind peered into the steam.
    “An’ I hope you can do puddings, ’cos cheffy’s banging his head on the wall,” went on a figure emerging from the wisps. It was wearing a tall white hat.
    “No worries,” said Rincewind, hopefully. “Ah, this is a kitchen , is it?”
    “You pullin’ my leg?”
    “Only I thought it was some kind of opera house or something—”
    “Best bloody opera house in the world, mate. Come on, this way…”
    It wasn’t a very big kitchen and, like most of the ones Rincewind had been in, it was full of men working very hard at cross purposes.
    “The boss upstairs only decided to throw a big dinner for the prima donna,” said the cook, forcing his way through the throng. “And all of a sudden Charley sees the pudding staring him in the face.”
    “Ah, right,” said Rincewind, on the basis that sooner or later he’d be given a clue.
    “Boss says, you can do the pudding for her, Charley.”
    “Just like that,