The Last Letter from Your Lover

she liked the way he wasn’t fussed about his clothes. She knows how that T-shirt feels under her fingers.
    ‘Nice piece,’ he says, holding the newspaper up. ‘“Dear John, Fifty Years of Love’s Last Letters”. I see you’re the golden girl of Features again.’
    ‘For now. Actually,’ she says, ‘there’s one in there that I made up. It’s something I would have said. Had I had the chance.’
    It’s as if he hasn’t heard her. ‘And Jennifer let you use that first one.’
    ‘Anonymously. Yes. She was great. I told her the whole thing, and she was great.’ His face is even, untroubled.
    Did you hear what I said? she asks him silently. ‘I think she was a little shocked, admittedly, but after everything that had happened, I don’t think she cared what I did.’
    ‘Anthony came here yesterday. He’s like a different man. I don’t know why he came. I think he just wanted to talk to someone.’ He nods to himself, remembering. ‘He was wearing a new shirt and tie. And he’d had a haircut.’
    The thought makes her smile, despite herself.
    In the silence, Ruaridh stretches on the step, his hands linked above his head. ‘It’s a nice thing you did.’
    ‘I hope so,’ she says. ‘It would be nice to think that someone got a happy ending.’
    An old man walks past with his dog, the tip of his nose the colour of red grapes, and all three murmur a greeting. When she looks up, Ruaridh is looking at his feet. She watches him, wondering if this is the last time she will see him. I’m sorry, she tells him silently.
    ‘I’d invite you in,’ he says, ‘but I’m packing. Got a lot to do.’
    She lifts a hand, trying not to let her disappointment show. She climbs down off the pillar, the fabric of her trousers catching slightly on the rough surface, and hoists her bag on to her shoulder. She can’t feel her feet.
    ‘So . . . was there something you wanted? Other than to, you know, play papergirl?’
    It’s turning cold. She shoves her hands into her pockets. He’s looking at her expectantly. She’s afraid to speak. If he says no, she’s afraid of how crushed she’ll feel. It’s why it’s taken her days to come here. But what does she have to lose? She’s never going to see him again.
    She takes a deep breath. ‘I wanted to know . . . if you might write to me.’
    ‘Write to you?’
    ‘While you’re away. Ruaridh, I screwed up. I can’t ask anything of you, but I miss you. I really miss you. I’d – I’d just like to think that this wasn’t it. That we might . . .’ She fidgets, rubs her nose. ‘. . .  write.’
    ‘Write.’
    ‘Just . . . stuff. What you’re doing. How it’s all going. Where you are.’ The words sound feeble to her ears.
    He has wedged his hands into his pockets and peers down the street. He doesn’t answer. The silence is as long as the street. ‘It’s freezing,’ he says eventually.
    Something large and heavy has settled in the pit of her stomach. Their story is over. He doesn’t have anything left to say to her. He glances behind him apologetically. ‘I’m letting all the heat out of the house.’
    She can’t speak. She shrugs, as if in agreement, engineers a smile that she suspects looks like more of a grimace. As she turns away, she hears his voice again.
    ‘I suppose you could come in and make me a coffee. While I’m sorting my socks. Actually, you owe me a coffee, if I remember rightly.’
    When she turns back, his face has thawed. Actual warmth is still some degrees away, but it’s definitely there. ‘Perhaps you could run your eye over my Peruvian visa while you’re at it. Check I’ve spelt it all correctly.’
    She lets her eyes rest on him now, on his socked feet, his too-long-to-be-tidy brown hair. ‘You wouldn’t want to confuse your Patallacta with your Phuyupatmarca,’ she says.
    He raises his eyes to the heavens, slowly shaking his head. And, trying to hide her beaming smile, Ellie steps in behind him.

Acknowledgements
    Each chapter of this book is headed by a real-life last letter, email or other form of correspondence, apart from one that is taken from the book’s plot.
    In most cases these have been generously provided as a result of my various appeals, and in all cases of previously unpublished correspondence I have disguised the identities of both sender and recipient, to protect the innocent (and not so innocent).
    There are, however, some people who helped me gather this correspondence and are happy