The Man With Two Left Feet

they were clapping that they had been betting all their spare cash on her.
    Charlie gets her well focused, then he lets his jaw drop, till he pretty near bumped it against the floor.
    'But—but—but—' he begins.
    'I know,' I said. 'It begins to look as if she could dance well enough for the city after all. It begins to look as if she had sort of put one over on somebody, don't it? It begins to look as if it were a pity you didn't think of dancing with her yourself.'
    'I—I—I—'
    'You come along and have a nice cold drink,' I said, 'and you'll soon pick up.'
    He tottered after me to a table, looking as if he had been hit by a street–car. He had got his.
    I was so busy looking after Charlie, flapping the towel and working on him with the oxygen, that, if you'll believe me, it wasn't for quite a time that I thought of glancing around to see how the thing had struck Izzy Baermann.
    If you can imagine a fond father whose only son has hit him with a brick, jumped on his stomach, and then gone off with all his money, you have a pretty good notion of how poor old Izzy looked. He was staring at me across the room, and talking to himself and jerking his hands about. Whether he thought he was talking to me, or whether he was rehearsing the scene where he broke it to the boss that a mere stranger had got away with his Love–r–ly Silver Cup, I don't know. Whichever it was, he was being mighty eloquent.
    I gave him a nod, as much as to say that it would all come right in the future, and then I turned to Charlie again. He was beginning to pick up.
    'She won the cup!' he said in a dazed voice, looking at me as if I could do something about it.
    'You bet she did!'
    'But—well, what do you know about that?'
    I saw that the moment had come to put it straight to him. 'I'll tell you what I know about it,' I said. 'If you take my advice, you'll hustle that kid straight back to Ashley—or wherever it is that you said you poison the natives by making up the wrong prescriptions—before she gets New York into her system. When I was talking to her upstairs, she was telling me about a fellow in her village who got it in the neck just the same as you're apt to do.'
    He started. 'She was telling you about Jack Tyson?'
    'That was his name—Jack Tyson. He lost his wife through letting her have too much New York. Don't you think it's funny she should have mentioned him if she hadn't had some idea that she might act just the same as his wife did?'
    He turned quite green.
    'You don't think she would do that?'
    'Well, if you'd heard her—She couldn't talk of anything except this Tyson, and what his wife did to him. She talked of it sort of sad, kind of regretful, as if she was sorry, but felt that it had to be. I could see she had been thinking about it a whole lot.'
    Charlie stiffened in his seat, and then began to melt with pure fright. He took up his empty glass with a shaking hand and drank a long drink out of it. It didn't take much observation to see that he had had the jolt he wanted, and was going to be a whole heap less jaunty and metropolitan from now on. In fact, the way he looked, I should say he had finished with metropolitan jauntiness for the rest of his life.
    'I'll take her home tomorrow,' he said. 'But—will she come?'
    'That's up to you. If you can persuade her—Here she is now. I should start at once.'
    Mrs Charlie, carrying the cup, came to the table. I was wondering what would be the first thing she would say. If it had been Charlie, of course he'd have said, 'This is the life!' but I looked for something snappier from her. If I had been in her place there were at least ten things I could have thought of to say, each nastier than the other.
    She sat down and put the cup on the table. Then she gave the cup a long look. Then she drew a deep breath. Then she looked at Charlie.
    'Oh, Charlie, dear,' she said, 'I do wish I'd been dancing with you!'
    Well, I'm not sure that that wasn't just as good as anything I would have said. Charlie got right off the mark. After what I had told him, he wasn't wasting any time.
    'Darling,' he said, humbly, 'you're a wonder! What will they say about this at home?' He did pause here for a moment, for it took nerve to say it; but then he went right on. 'Mary, how would it be if we went home right away—first train tomorrow, and showed it to them?'
    'Oh, Charlie!' she said.
    His face lit up as if somebody had pulled a switch.
    'You will? You don't want to stop on? You aren't wild