The Man With Two Left Feet

about New York?'
    'If there was a train,' she said, 'I'd start tonight. But I thought you loved the city so, Charlie?'
    He gave a kind of shiver. 'I never want to see it again in my life!' he said.
    'You'll excuse me,' I said, getting up, 'I think there's a friend of mine wants to speak to me.'
    And I crossed over to where Izzy had been standing for the last five minutes, making signals to me with his eyebrows.
    You couldn't have called Izzy coherent at first. He certainly had trouble with his vocal chords, poor fellow. There was one of those African explorer men used to come to Geisenheimer's a lot when he was home from roaming the trackless desert, and he used to tell me about tribes he had met who didn't use real words at all, but talked to one another in clicks and gurgles. He imitated some of their chatter one night to amuse me, and, believe me, Izzy Baermann started talking the same language now. Only he didn't do it to amuse me.
    He was like one of those gramophone records when it's getting into its stride.
    'Be calm, Isadore,' I said. 'Something is troubling you. Tell me all about it.'
    He clicked some more, and then he got it out.
    'Say, are you crazy? What did you do it for? Didn't I tell you as plain as I could; didn't I say it twenty times, when you came for the tickets, that yours was thirty–six?'
    'Didn't you say my friend's was thirty–six?'
    'Are you deaf? I said hers was ten.'
    'Then,' I said handsomely, 'say no more. The mistake was mine. It begins to look as if I must have got them mixed.'
    He did a few Swedish exercises.
    'Say no more? That's good! That's great! You've got nerve. I'll say that.'
    'It was a lucky mistake, Izzy. It saved your life. The people would have lynched you if you had given me the cup. They were solid for her.'
    'What's the boss going to say when I tell him?'
    'Never mind what the boss will say. Haven't you any romance in your system, Izzy? Look at those two sitting there with their heads together. Isn't it worth a silver cup to have made them happy for life? They are on their honeymoon, Isadore. Tell the boss exactly how it happened, and say that I thought it was up to Geisenheimer's to give them a wedding–present.'
    He clicked for a spell.
    'Ah!' he said. 'Ah! now you've done it! Now you've given yourself away! You did it on purpose. You mixed those tickets on purpose. I thought as much. Say, who do you think you are, doing this sort of thing? Don't you know that professional dancers are three for ten cents? I could go out right now and whistle, and get a dozen girls for your job. The boss'll sack you just one minute after I tell him.'
    'No, he won't, Izzy, because I'm going to resign.'
    'You'd better!'
    'That's what I think. I'm sick of this place, Izzy. I'm sick of dancing. I'm sick of New York. I'm sick of everything. I'm going back to the country. I thought I had got the pigs and chickens clear out of my system, but I hadn't. I've suspected it for a long, long time, and tonight I know it. Tell the boss, with my love, that I'm sorry, but it had to be done. And if he wants to talk back, he must do it by letter: Mrs John Tyson, Rodney, Maine, is the address.'

THE MAKING OF MAC'S
    Mac's Restaurant—nobody calls it MacFarland's—is a mystery. It is off the beaten track. It is not smart. It does not advertise. It provides nothing nearer to an orchestra than a solitary piano, yet, with all these things against it, it is a success. In theatrical circles especially it holds a position which might turn the white lights of many a supper–palace green with envy.
    This is mysterious. You do not expect Soho to compete with and even eclipse Piccadilly in this way. And when Soho does so compete, there is generally romance of some kind somewhere in the background.
    Somebody happened to mention to me casually that Henry, the old waiter, had been at Mac's since its foundation.
    'Me?' said Henry, questioned during a slack spell in the afternoon. 'Rather!'
    'Then can you tell me what it was that first gave the place the impetus which started it on its upward course? What causes should you say were responsible for its phenomenal prosperity? What—'
    'What gave it a leg–up? Is that what you're trying to get at?'
    'Exactly. What gave it a leg–up? Can you tell me?'
    'Me?' said Henry. 'Rather!'
    And he told me this chapter from the unwritten history of the London whose day begins when Nature's finishes.
    * * * * *
    Old Mr MacFarland (
said Henry
) started the place fifteen years