The McRae Series 01 - Twelve Days Sam and Rachel

them. She knew all his frustrations and fears, and she wanted him desperately.
    It was a greedy, breath-robbing journey, and her hands, her mouth, were every bit as busy as his. They couldn't get close enough quickly enough. He couldn't get deep enough inside of her, and she couldn't draw in air quickly enough or in sufficient quantities to stop her head from spinning.
    Her back arched and her legs parted, and she rocked against him, trying to draw him in even deeper. He moved with such strength, such need, ruthlessly pushing her up and over the edge. She dug her nails into his back and cried out his name, dizzy from the heights to which he'd taken her, all the while conscious of the fact that having taken her so high, she now had to come back down to earth.
    If they'd both been trying to outrun this thing, the sorrow, the anger, they'd succeeded but only temporarily. It was right there waiting for them in the end.
    Sam buried his face in the side of her neck, and lay heavily on top of her, laboring for each breath, and she was trembling once again, every bit as hard as before. She still had a grip on him. She was afraid she would leave marks on him, and even knowing that, had a hard time loosening her hands.
    He kissed her cheek, nuzzled the tip of his nose against her, and then kissed her mouth, still needing something she wished she could provide. She knew what he wanted, what he needed. Oblivion and a place to hide from the pain, and she would give it to him, if she could. She would offer whatever comfort he could find in her arms.
    "Did I hurt you?" he said warily.
    "No."
    "I was rough with you," he said grimly, and he never, ever was. He was considerate and patient and always conscious of her needs, her pleasure.
    "I was rough with you, too," she said. "Did I hurt you?"
    "No, Rachel."
    "Don't worry about it. We needed each other. That's all."
    "It scares me sometimes how much I need you."
    "I need you every bit as much, Sam. I have the whole time. I was just afraid to let you close enough for me to see that, because I think I didn't want to love anyone else for a while, not even you. I was so sure I was going to get hurt again."
    He bent his head and kissed her once more, slowly, softly. Still breathing heavily, he rolled off of her, and she followed him, until they ended up on their sides facing each other. She touched him lightly on the cheek and found it damp, his eyelashes, too. The corners of his eyes.
    "Loving them wasn't a mistake," she insisted.
    "I know." He touched his forehead to hers, stared down at her. "But I didn't want you to be hurt anymore."
    "How do you ever ensure that? By not caring for anyone anymore? I tried that. We both know it didn't work. It failed miserably, and I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm still afraid, but I'm not going to let that fear rule my life. I love these kids. I love you. I'll accept whatever risks come with that because I can't stop myself from loving any of you."
    "It's going to hurt both of us in the end," he said.
    "And we've been hurt before. We're still here. It hasn't destroyed us. This won't, either."
    His doubts might. The memories of what they'd become, what he feared they'd become again. But there was nothing left to say to convince him to take one more chance on her, one more leap of faith. It was up to him and the whims of the world now. She'd done all she could. She would survive, no matter what happened. Older and wiser and stronger, she would survive. Please, God, she thought, don't let her have to do it without him.

Chapter 19

    They were sitting down to lunch the first day after Christmas when Miriam called and said Annie Greene wanted to speak to Sam and Rachel again. She came over and stayed with the kids, and they made the two-hour drive in a strained silence.
    Sam held on to Rachel's hand as they walked into the ICU to find Annie asleep. Rachel sat in a chair beside the bed and Sam stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders, rubbing slightly at the tension there. She leaned back against him thinking that everything she had was on the line now.
    Annie stirred in her bed and moaned. Her eyes opened slowly and seemed to have trouble focusing at first, and then she gave Rachel a weary smile. "You came."
    "Of course," Rachel said. "What can we do for you?"
    "A favor... An enormous favor," she said slowly, as if each word cost her a tremendous effort that was nearly beyond her at the moment. "I wanted to try to explain. I want you to know... I