The McRae Series 01 - Twelve Days Sam and Rachel

with no one to trust but people who were all but strangers to her. Rachel couldn't imagine how difficult that must be.
    And Emma and Zach and the baby were going to lose their mother...
    "You're sure?" Rachel asked. "There's nothing anyone can do for you?"
    "Sure," Annie said.
    It seemed she wasn't even going to fight anymore.
    Rachel started to cry. She couldn't help it. The tears just rolled down her cheeks as she sat there hardly making a sound and struggling to breathe. Sam's hands tightened on her shoulders, and she leaned back against him, hardly able to look at the woman on the bed anymore. It was so sad. Emma and Zach were going to be devastated.
    "She wants you to be sure," the nurse said. "If you can't love them, the way they deserve to be loved..."
    "We can love them. It's not that. Not at all. But we need to talk," Sam said. He put a hand on Annie Greene's shoulder, told her, "We'll be back."
    Rachel wasn't sure how they got outside, but there they were. Out in the cold, the automatic doors of the hospital swishing closed behind them, snow flurries rushing at them on the cold breeze.
    There were Christmas lights strung up around the entrance of the hospital, the lights blinking on and off in a way that seemed to mock everything to do with Christmas.
    Annie Greene was dying, and she wanted Sam and Rachel to take her children. Rachel, it seemed, was going to get what she'd always wanted.
    "Not this way," she said, conscious of the fact that Sam had steered her to the side of the main walkway, out of the line of people rushing in and out. He held her by the arms, held her hard, maybe to keep her from falling down in the snow, maybe to get her attention. "Oh, God. Not like this."
    "Rachel, we did not do this," he said. "We didn't wish that woman dead. She isn't dying because of anything we did."
    "But I wanted them. I wanted those children, and they're hers. The only way we're going to get them is if she's gone."
    "Wishing doesn't make things happen. You and I both know that. If it did, our entire lives would have been different. Things just happen. This is just one of those shitty things that happens."
    "Emma..." she said. "Oh, God, Sam. Emma! And Zach! Grace won't even remember her, but the other two..."
    "I know," he said, pulling her close. "I know."
    And he did. They both knew. Him better than her.
    "It's so awful. How in the world are we going to tell them?"
    "We're not. It's not up to us. It's up to Annie. They're still hers."
    Rachel nodded. Still, it would be up to her and Sam to pick up the pieces. So much sadness... She could see it all coming. How odd to be able to sit here and see it all coming.
    They stood there for a long time. Finally, her tears subsided and she stopped shaking so badly, and Sam let her go. Then he stood there staring at her with the saddest look on his face, as if he felt every bit as weary as she did.
    It occurred to her that she'd stood outside a number of hospitals just like this. Feeling as if someone had shoved a booted foot into her midsection. And every one of those times, Sam had been right here beside her.
    She was awed by his strength, by the sheer determination with which he'd stayed by her side through the years. She reached for him, taking his face in her hands, finding his cheeks damp and his mouth trembling.
    He frowned down at her and asked, "What are you thinking?"
    "That you've been with me through the worst days of my life. That I've depended on you and leaned on you and taken and taken and taken without—"
    "It wasn't like that, Rachel."
    "Wasn't it?"
    "No. It was a marriage. Two people together through good and bad. Doing our best to take care of each other. To love each other and to stay together."
    "There's more inside of me to give, Sam. Not just to these children. To you. And... I don't even know how to ask you what's going to happen now. Because I know you love these children, and I can't imagine you leaving when they need us so much. And that's not fair to you at all. I don't want you to have to stay because of the kids."
    "Single people adopt all the time. It wouldn't be a problem. And I can't imagine Annie would object, not if you told her how much you love those kids. You don't need me to have these kids."
    "Of course I do."
    "No, you don't. I talked to Miriam. There wouldn't be any rules standing in your way."
    "I know. I talked to her, too. She told me you'd asked her about that. But I thought you were going to stay. I thought... after