The McRae Series 01 - Twelve Days Sam and Rachel

Christmas Eve. All the things we said to each other. All the things we figured out about each other, I thought you'd stay."
    "I didn't say I was going anywhere. I just said that if you're thinking the only way you'll be able to have these children is by having a husband—having me—that's not true."
    "You think I want them more than I want you?"
    "I think the way either of us feels at the moment isn't as important as how those kids feel and what they need."
    "No, it is, Sam. You're important and how you feel is important. You think I could be happy with them, but without you?"
    "You've never really been happy with just me, Rachel," he said.
    "That's not true."
    "Isn't it?" he asked, then held up his hands. "No. Forget it. Forget I ever said it."
    "I can't do that. I won't. Sam... you're the only man I've ever loved in my whole life. The only one. I never wanted anyone else. I never will. And there has to be some way of making you believe that, short of giving up these children and having just you in my life. Because I know you. You would never ask that of me. We would never abandon them now."
    "No. We won't, and I wouldn't ask that of you."
    "Is it so hard for you to believe I love you?"
    "Maybe it is," he said. "Maybe that's what the problem's always been."
    "I'm not your mother or your father. I'm not all of those cold-hearted people who took you into their homes when you were little and sent you off to someone else without a backward glance. I'm your wife. I've always seen the real you, the man at the core, and I've always loved him." She put her hand over his heart. "Give me another chance. Give us a chance. And try to believe me when I say I love you. Is that really so hard for you to believe? Have you lost every bit of faith you had in me? In us?"
    "Rachel—"
    "I can't believe you have. And you know something else, you haven't given me a fair chance, either. You kept things from me, important things. You didn't let me into your life, Sam. Not really. You kept things bottled up inside, and now they're tearing you up. They're tearing us up. You want me to accept you as you are, to understand you and fulfill every need you have? You have to tell me. I can't help heal what I don't know is hurting you. Give me a chance to do that now that I finally know everything. I do know everything now, don't I?"
    "You know the worst of it," he said. "I never wanted you to know. I never wanted you to see those parts of me."
    "I want every part of you," she said. "The good, the bad, everything. I deserve it. Can you give me that?"
    "I have, Rachel. I've given it all to you now."
    "Then things should get easier from now on. At least between us. The kids... That's going to be hard. Do you think I can't handle it? Do you still think I'm going to fall apart on you?"
    "I think together, we can do this. We can help them." He smiled at her then.
    "What, Sam?"
    "I'd forgotten what it was like to see you spitting fire, the way you used to do for me, back when you were defending me to the whole damned town. I guess I wasn't sure you had any of that left in you."
    "You found it and dragged it out of me." She sighed, trembling again, because she thought it was going to be okay. She took hold of the side of his coat and pulled him closer, until they were almost nose to nose. "I meant what I said Christmas morning. I still love you, Sam."
    He held her for a long moment. She felt each shuddering breath, felt the fine trembling in his body. Sam, her rock, trembling.
    "I never stopped loving you, Rachel," he said finally. "I never will."
    Rachel's poor, battered heart felt full to the point of bursting, a mix of hope and joy and incredible sadness flooding through her. She and Sam were going to raise these children together. They would get them through this terrible loss, and then bring them up in the midst of as much love as they could provide, both for the children and each other.
    They held each other for a long time before they went back inside and told Annie Greene that her children had found a home and vowed to love them as they would have loved the baby girl they lost.

Epilogue

    On the first day of the New Year, Sam was sitting on the floor of the family room trying to explain to Zach the intricacies of pro football and watching a very determined Grace crawl toward the fireplace one more time.
    He caught her by the foot and dragged her back once again. She had on one of those warm, fuzzy, one-piece pajama things, like long underwear