The McRae Series 01 - Twelve Days Sam and Rachel

he'd never worn anything else. His hair was still damp from his quick shower, and it was jet-black and curling a bit at the ends. He hadn't shaved, and it was late enough in the evening that she knew just how his slightly roughened cheek would feel against her skin. She knew how soft his mouth was, how strong his arms were, how safe she'd always felt there.
    Seeing him now with Grace... She loved seeing him like this, seeing all the gentleness and kindness and love inside of him that she always knew was there. He might hide it from the rest of the world most of the time, but she'd always known. These children did, too, despite the rocky start they had with Sam.
    He bent over to tickle Grace's chin again, and she cackled in delight, then held her arms out to him. Sam took her, one-handed, with Rachel's help. She was standing on his lap, his arm around her middle, and she put her chubby little hands against his cheeks and patted them, then either tried to kiss his nose or take a bite out of it. Grace laughed at that, and she made Sam laugh, too.
    Rachel felt a twinge in the region of her heart and said, "You would have made a wonderful father."
    Sam looked at her, unsettled and too serious in a moment's time.
    "It's okay," she said. "I'm not going to cry or run away from it anymore. We had a child once, and you would have been a wonderful father to her. You still could be."
    Sam still didn't say anything. Grace looked a bit puzzled and stared from one of them to the next. "It's all right," Sam whispered to her.
    "I'm better now, Sam," Rachel said. "I've changed. I think you've changed, too, and that I've finally grown up. I'm not that silly, spoiled girl anymore."
    "I liked that girl," he said. "I didn't think she was silly at all. I thought she was sunshine and laughter and everything good in this world. And I always wanted to spoil her myself. I wanted to give her everything."
    "She just wanted you," Rachel said. "All along. Just you."
    He was going to say something else. She could see it in his eyes, but Grace started making a racket and the service was starting. They concentrated instead on quieting her and keeping her entertained, and then it seemed they'd lost the moment to talk.
    Rachel sat there with Sam's arm around her and let herself rest against him, let the music and the beauty of the place settle over her once more, calming her, giving her strength.
    It wasn't over yet, this battle she faced to keep her husband and maybe these children. She was ready to fight, and she wasn't afraid anymore. She wasn't afraid of anything.
    * * *
    Emma used to go to church with her mother but she hadn't been in a long, long time. This one was especially nice. It was big and crowded tonight, but she liked the way it felt in here—warm and hopeful. She liked the Christmas music, the candles, and the fancy windows, like the ones in Sam and Rachel's house. They seemed to glow tonight. She liked Sam and Rachel, too, felt safe with them and trusted them. Honestly, she did.
    It was just that the world was such a mixed-up place right now. At least, hers was. When Sam said he'd go look for her mother, she'd been so sure this would be the day she'd have her mother back. But he hadn't found her.
    Emma was scared now.
    She'd trusted Sam to find her, but she was afraid he was keeping something from her, something bad.
    And tomorrow was Christmas.
    She sat there as still as possible in the crowded church, wishing and praying as hard as she could and feeling more lonely and more miserable with each passing moment, and still her mother was nowhere to be found.
    They went back to Sam and Rachel's house. Emma picked at her dinner, not caring a thing for anything like food. She got out of her church clothes, the prettiest dress she'd ever owned. She wished her mother were here to see her in it. Then she put on her pajamas and went back downstairs.
    Sam read The Night Before Christmas, the one with his and Rachel's house on the cover, and Emma thought about that some more, about being in the Christmas house at Christmas.
    Where was the magic? she wondered. Where was her mother?
    Grace was asleep by the time Sam finished the story. Emma gave her a kiss and then Rachel took her upstairs. Sam took Zach, telling her that she should go on up to bed, too, because they'd all be up early in the morning.
    Emma slowly climbed the stairs and sat down on her bed in the unfamiliar room missing her mother so bad it hurt to breathe. Rachel came in a moment