The Merchant of Menace

King?“
    “Well, you know he does all those reports on unfair stuff. Crooked businesspeople and sham charity organizations and all? But he sometimes hosts the regular nightly news from special events.“
    “Yes, I know.”
    Julie was quivering with excitement and looked like she was about to explode with the thrill of it all. “Well, Jane. We are going to be his special event tomorrow night!“ Her voice was almost a shriek of joy.
    “What?“ Jane asked, appalled.
    “Yes, it’s true. He’s going to anchor the news from your house! From your very own house!”
    “Oh, dear God...“ Jane whimpered.
    “Isn’t it fabulous? I knew you’d be so excited.“
    “Julie, I don’t think that’s—“ Jane started to bleat.
    “No, don’t thank me. It was a pleasure to do it. I just took myself in hand and said, ‘Julie Newton, there’s nothing to stop you. The worst that can happen is that he’ll say no,’ and so I just called the television station and they actually put me through to him. I told him about the neighborhood caroling party and even suggested it would be a nice change, to do a ‘revealing’ piece about something that went right instead of wrong. I told him all about the neighbors, what nice, interesting people they all are—“
    “You told him all about us?“ Jane asked.
    The thought made her stomach hurt. She, and many others, thought Lance King was far and away the most obnoxious individual who ever got in front of a television camera. He was the expert at the surprise attack, taking a camera crew to some unsuspecting individual’s home or place of business, shoving his way in, and asking ‘Do you still beat your wife’ questions and berating the victim, barely skirting FCC regulations on obscene language issues. If he’d really only taken on genuine crooks and rip-off artists, it might not have been so offensive. But as often as not, he was simply dead wrong in his accusations. He’d be back on a week later, making a patronizing apology that always managed to be every bit as insulting as the original interview.
    According to newspaper accounts, the local station was always being hit with enormous libel suits, most of which they lost. Or more correctly, their insurance carrier lost. There had been an article only a month ago about the insurance carrier trying to drop the station’s coverage, but the station had filed suit against the carrier, claiming it was the carrier’s incompetent lawyers who were to blame. When it got to court, a judge had ruled in the station’s favor. The newspaper reporter, mincing among the libel laws himself like a trained soldier in a minefield, managed to suggest, without saying so, that the judge was afraid of what Lance King might to do him if he didn’t rule in the station’s favor. The general manager of the television station had been quoted as saying that Lance King was the brightest star in their galaxy of fine reporters and they considered his reports an honorable and necessary public service... blab, blah, blab. In other words, he was a point grabber and, Jane suspected, would have been out on his ear if the insurance had been canceled.
    And now darling, cute, bubbly, idiotic Julie Newton had blabbed to him about their block caroling party, no doubt told him interesting tidbits about the neighbors and, worst of all, invited the jerk to Jane’s house.
    “Julie,“ Jane said, sitting down across from her and fixing her with a bleak stare, “you have to uninvite him. I won’t have the man in my house.”
    Julie quit bouncing in place for a minute. Then said, “Oh, Jane, another joke!“ She wiggled like a happy puppy.
    “I’m not joking, Julie,“ Jane said firmly. “You’re going to have to call him back, explain that you failed to check with the hostess of the party in advance and she has now told you her house can’t accommodate any more people—like him and his crew.“
    “Jane, I can’t do that.“
    “You must do it. Otherwise I’m going to tell everyone the party after the caroling is canceled. Or you can have it at your house.“
    “No, I can’t. I don’t have a kitchen. I made some changes and Bruce couldn’t finish it all.“ Julie sat very still for a moment. “He knows your name and address. Lance King does. I’m sorry, Jane, but he asked where the party was so he could come by early in the day and setup cameras. If I tell him you won’t let him in, it’ll make him mad at both of us.“
    “I don’t care if