The Redemption of Callie & Kayden

the television on, and clicks the lamp off.
    “I told him I loved him,” he says inaudibility and it takes a minute for his words to register inside my head.
    “You
love
him? You never told me that?”
    “I do. Like a lot.”
    I uncross my fingers. “And what did he say?”
    “I love you too,” he says and I hear the smile through his voice. He’s happy, which makes me happy even under the circumstances.
    I’m a little envious of him, for being able to say the truth and put himself unconditionally out there to someone. “Seth… I’m really happy for you.”
    Laughter flows from him. “I’m really happy for me too.”
    The room stills and a little while later Luke walks in and climbs into bed. It makes me a little uneasy with him sleeping in the same room as me, but it’s not as bad as I thought when they first mentioned sharing a room—to split the costs—back when we were in the truck.
    I toss and turn for another hour or so. The clock is glowing against the darkness and snowflakes start to strike the window. The heater is clanking and there’s banging coming from the room next door. I can hear Seth’s loud breathing—I can hear everything. It’s almost one o’clock in the morning when I decide it’s time to face one of my fears. I’m not even sure what brings me to the conclusion. Maybe it’s Seth’s bravery or maybe it’s that I really need to get it off my chest. I’ve been placing too much on it already and perhaps it’s time to clear the pressure completely.
    I’m going to tell Kayden how I feel. Because he deserves to know that someone loves him, even if he doesn’t love me back. I grab my phone and notebook from the nightstand and tiptoe over to the bathroom. Flipping the lights on and then shutting the door, I dial his number and open my notebook to his letter. It goes straight to his voicemail like it has the last few times I called him. I take a deep breath and begin reading out loud what I feel, admitting the truth and putting myself out there, even though it terrifies me.
    Maybe, if I’m lucky, this step will help me get to the next admission in my future.
Kayden
    Doug and I are still at the diner when the sun starts to ascend from behind the snowy mountains. The waitress starts pulling the shades down on the windows as the sunlight shines into the restaurant. She flips off the neon signs both inside and out, preparing for another morning.
    I sit across from Doug, finishing up a very long story, preparing myself to leave the comfort of the table. I haven’t told him nearly everything, especially the darkest times that are locked deep away in the back of my head, the one’s I won’t let myself think about. Doug said that’s okay and that I have time. It baffles me. I’d never really thought about my time. I took things day by day and was basically living the life my father wanted me to live. Halfway through, when I’m telling him about how my father choked me until I passed out, I started to cry.
    He’d done it because I’d lost the remote. After hours of searching, I’d finally given up. And I was never supposed to give up. I didn’t even fight him. He just started yelling and I stared at him, which seemed to piss him off only more. His face was bright red and he was screaming and then running at me. And I just stood there as he tackled me and wrapped his arms around my neck.
    I remember looking up at him and thinking,
Please just kill me so it’ll be over
. And when I woke up from my blackout, I found myself slightly disappointed.
    “So what’s next?” I ask, after Doug pays the bill, trying to wipe my eyes off on my sleeves as discreetly as possible.
    He puts his wallet back into his jacket and slides the empty plates aside. “That’s really up to you.”
    I pile my fork and spoon onto the stack of plates, and then I stare at the healing crescent-shaped wounds on my arms with blood dried over them. “This therapist in Laramie that you know, is he… is he as understanding as you?” I don’t like the idea of opening up to anyone else.
    “He might even be better.” Doug smiles. “But Kayden, you can call me whenever you want. And be sure to come to your appointment next week.”
    I nod, scooting to the edge of the booth. “All right.”
    Doug tosses a few ones down on the table. “Kayden, I feel like I have to say one more thing… about your father.”
    I wince. Over the last several hours I’d said a lot of terrible thing about my father and even