The Reef

knew I wasn’t good enough, but you were too stupid to admit it.”
    Thunder grumbled, a nasty old woman’s chuckling.
    “But you would have,” he continued. “And then you’d have hated me. I’d have hated myself.”
    Unsteady, she braced a hand on the table. The storm outside was nothing compared to the one pitching inside her. Everything she’d believed, everything that had kept her from looking back in misery was shattered at her feet.
    “You broke my heart.”
    “I saved your life,” he snapped back. “Get a picture, Red. I was twenty-four years old, I had no future. I had nothing but an uncle who was going to need every penny I could scrape together, maybe for the rest of my life. You had potential. You had brains, ambitions. All of a sudden, you’re talking about ditching college and hooking up with me, like we’d just sail off into the sunset.”
    “I never thought that. I wanted to help you. I wanted to be with you.”
    “And you’d have ended up saving nickels and wondering what the hell you’d done to your life instead of making something out of it.”
    “And you made that choice for me.” Oh, she could breathe now. She could breathe just fine. In fact, the airthat filled her lungs was hot and pure. “You arrogant son of a bitch. I cried myself empty over you.”
    “You got over it.”
    “Damn right I did.” She could lash back with that and be thankful. “I got way over it. And if you think I’m going to weep gratefully on your shoulder because you see yourself as some self-sacrificing hero, you’re mistaken, Lassiter.”
    “I don’t see myself as anything but what I am,” he said, wearily now. “You were the one who saw something that wasn’t there.”
    “You had no right to make that choice for me. No right to expect me to be grateful for what you did.”
    “I don’t expect anything.”
    “You expect me to believe you’re in love with me.”
    What the hell, he thought, he’d already ruined it. “I am in love with you. Pathetic, isn’t it? I never got over you. Seeing you again, eight years later, carved a hole in me I’ve been trying to fill ever since with whatever you’d toss my way. No chance.”
    “We had one once.”
    “Hell, Tate.” He reached out to rub his thumb over a tear on her cheek. “We never had a chance. The first time it was too soon. This time it’s too late.”
    “If you’d been honest with me—”
    “You loved me,” he murmured. “I knew you loved me. You’d never have left me.”
    “No.” Her vision blurred with more tears, but she could see so clearly what had been lost. “I’d never have left you. Now we’ll never know what we might have had.” She turned away. “So, what now?”
    “That’s up to you.”
    “Ah, this time it’s up to me.” She wished she could find even one small laugh inside her. “That’s only fair, I suppose. Only this time I don’t have all that simple, innocent faith.”
    And this time, she realized, she didn’t know what to do, except protect herself from being so horribly hurt again.
    “I guess the only answer here is to be practical. We can’t go back, so we go forward.” She drew a deep breath.“It would be unfair to the others, and shortsighted, to scuttle the expedition because of something that happened eight years ago. I’m willing to continue.”
    He’d never expected otherwise. “And?”
    “And.” She blew out the breath. “We can’t afford to let personal problems undermine the excavation. Under the circumstances, I don’t think it’s in your best interest or in mine to continue the intimate aspect of our relationship.”
    Again, it was no less, and no more than expected. “All right.”
    “This hurts,” she whispered.
    He shut his eyes, knowing he couldn’t hold her. “Would you feel better if we switched teams? I can dive with Ray or LaRue.”
    “No.” She pressed her lips together before turning back. “I think the less upheaval, the better. We both have some sorting out to do, but I don’t think we have to let it affect the others.” Impatiently, she brushed the heels of her hands over her face to dry it. “But we can make some excuse to switch if you’re uncomfortable . . .”
    He did laugh. It was such an absurd word for what he was feeling. “You were always a piece of work, Red. We’ll keep things status quo.”
    “I’m only trying to make all of this as simple as I can.”
    “Fuck.” Nearly undone, he scrubbed his hands over his face.