The Reef

away.”
    “It’s still my life, isn’t it?”
    “No one’s life is theirs alone.” How could he be so blind? she wondered bitterly. How could he turn the beauty of these past weeks into something as ugly as vengeance. “Can’t you stop and think, for just a moment, what it would do to other people if you manage to succeed in this insane idea? What would happen to Buck if you get yourself killed or spend the rest of your miserable life in prison for murder? How do you think I would feel?”
    “I don’t know, Tate. How would you feel?” He pushed away from the table. “Why don’t you tell me? I’m interested. You’re always so goddamn careful not to tell me anything you feel.”
    “Don’t turn this around on me, make it my responsibility. We’re talking about you.”
    “Sounds like we’re talking about us. You put up the rules from the get-go,” he reminded her. “No emotions or pretty words cluttering up nice, companionable sex. You didn’t want me interfering with your life or your ambitions. Why should I let you interfere with mine?”
    “Damn it, you know it’s not as cold as that.”
    “No?” He lifted a brow. “It looks like that from where I’m standing. I don’t remember you saying any different.”
    She was very pale now, her eyes too dark against the white skin. He had to know how he was making everything they had together sound. Everything she’d given to him.
    “You know I have feelings for you. I wouldn’t sleep with you if I didn’t.”
    “News to me. Best I can figure, you’re just scratching an itch.”
    “Bastard.” Stunned by the sting, she’d swung out and slapped him hard before she could stop herself.
    His eyes flashed, narrowed, but his voice was icily calm. “Did that help? Or was that your answer to the qùestion?”
    “Don’t attribute your own motivations and lack of sensitivity to me,” she shot back, both furious and ashamed. “Do you think I’d pour out my heart and soul to you the way I did once? Not a chance. Nobody hurts me, especially you.”
    “You think you’re the only one who got hurt?”
    “I know I was.” She jerked at her arm when his fingers wrapped around it. “You’ll never get a second chance to shrug me off again. I loved you, Matthew, with the kind of innocent, unrestricted love that only comes around once. You tossed it back in my face like it was nothing. Now your pride’s ruffled because I won’t put myself in the position where you can do it again when you’re ready to move on. Well, the hell with you.”
    “I’m not asking you for a second chance. I know better than that. But you’ve got no right to ask me to settle for sex then expect me to give up the one thing that’s kept me going. I gave you up, now I’m taking what’s left.”
    “You didn’t give me up,” she tossed back. “You never wanted me.”
    “I never wanted anything the way I wanted you. I loved you.” He dragged her painfully to her toes. “I’ve always loved you. I cut my own heart out when I sent you away.”
    She couldn’t breathe, was afraid if she did everything inside her would shatter like glass. “What do you mean, you sent me away?”
    “I—” He caught himself. Shaken, appalled, he loosened his grip and stepped back. He needed a minute, he told himself, to get his balance. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Digging up old ground doesn’t change where we stand now. I won’t give you what you want. That’s the bottom line.”
    She stared at him, one part of her brain fascinated by the way he was able to close off. All those vivid emotions were dimming behind carefully shuttered eyes one by one. No, she thought. Oh no, not this time.
    “You started digging this ground, Lassiter. Now we’ll finish the excavation.” She balled her unsteady hands into fists. “Eight years ago you laughed in my face, Matthew. You stood there on that beach and told me that it had all been for fun. Just a way to pass a summer. Was that a lie?”
    His gaze never faltered, never changed, never sparked. “I said it doesn’t matter. The past is past.”
    “If you really believed that, you wouldn’t be so hellbent on evening the score with VanDyke. Answer me,” she demanded. “Was it a lie?”
    “What the hell was I supposed to do?” he exploded. Outside the windows, the sky erupted in frenzied light. “Let you throw everything away on some idiotic dream? I didn’t have anything to give you. I ruined everything I touched. Christ, we both