The Reef

haven’t spoken with him much less slept with him.”
    Where was the sense in this? he wondered. Where was the logic that was so intricate a part of her makeup? “But the first thing you did when you found this was to try to contact him?”
    “No, the first thing I did was worry over what you would do to him if you had it.” She closed her eyes and let the light breeze that danced through the window play over her face. “Or worse, what he might do to you. And I panicked. I even thought about throwing it back into the water, pretending I’d never found it, but that wouldn’t really solve the problem. Giving it to VanDyke, I thought, asking him only to give his word that he’d leave you alone in exchange for it, would solve everything.
    “I didn’t know I still loved you,” she said, staring hard at the shifting water. “I didn’t know, and when I did, I guess I panicked there, too. I don’t want to feel this way about you, and I know I’ll never feel this way about anyone else.”
    Grateful her eyes were dry again, she made herself turn. “I guess you could say I thought I was saving your life, doing what was best for you. That should sound familiar.And it was as stupid for me to take the choice out of your hands as it was for you to take it out of mine.”
    She lifted her hands, let them fall. “Now you have it, and you can do what you need to do. But I don’t have to watch.” Sliding open the door on the closet, she took out her suitcase.
    “What are you doing?”
    “I’m going to pack.”
    He picked up the case, tossed it across the room. “Do you think you can hit me with all of this then just walk away?”
    “Yes, I do.” How odd it was, she realized, to be so utterly calm again. As if she’d punched her way through a hurricane to the thick, quiet air of the eye. “Just as I think we both need to take time to sort through the mess we’ve made out of things.” She started to walk past him to retrieve her case, then lifted her chin when he blocked her path. “You’re not going to push me around again.”
    “If I have to.” To settle the matter he turned and flicked the lock on her cabin door. “The first thing we have to settle is this.” He held up the amulet so that it caught the light and exploded with color. “We’ve all got a stake in it, but mine’s the oldest. When I’ve done what I need to do, you can have it.”
    “If you’re still alive.”
    “That’s my problem.” He slipped the necklace into his pocket. “You’ve got an apology coming for the things I said to you on the bridge.”
    “I don’t want your apology.”
    “You’ve got it anyway. I should have trusted you. Trusting people isn’t one of my strong suits, but it should have been where you’re concerned. I frightened you.”
    “Yes, you did. I suppose I deserved it. Let’s just say we’re even.”
    “We’re not finished,” he murmured and laid a hand, gently this time, on her arm.
    “No, I guess we’re not.”
    “Sit down.” When she looked up, her eyes were guarded. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry I did. Sit down,” he repeated. “Please.”
    “I don’t know what else there is to say, Matthew.” But she sat, folded her tensed hands in her lap. “I understand your reaction to what you heard and what you saw perfectly.”
    “I heard you tell me you loved me.”
    “Poor timing. Again. I don’t want to,” she said with undertones of tired anger. “I can’t seem to help it.”
    He sat beside her, but didn’t touch her. “Eight years ago, I did what I had to do. I did the right thing. I’ve screwed up enough to know when I manage to do the right thing. I wasn’t going to drag you down with me. When I look at you now, what you are, what you’ve done with your life, I know it was right.”
    “There’s no point—”
    “Let me finish. There’re some things I didn’t tell you last night. Maybe I didn’t want to admit them to you. When I first started salvaging for Fricke, I thought about you all the time. I didn’t do much but work, pay bills and think about you. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and miss you so much it hurt. After a while, things were so fucking bad, I didn’t have the energy to hurt anymore.”
    Remembering, he stared down at his hands. “I told myself it wasn’t such a big deal, a couple of months out of my life with a pretty girl. I didn’t much think about you anymore. Now and again it would grab me by the throat, tear right