The Reunion

squeezed it. ‘I know that. I don’t want you to go away. It’s just… You know what the really awful thing is? When I think about everything that happened, the aftermath, the way Andrew and I got together, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s with me out of guilt.’
    ‘Nat…’
    ‘No, listen. He’s dutiful. It’s like you said, he does the right thing. He feels he has a duty of care to you. It’s his job to look after you in some way, because Conor isn’t here to do it. Because you’re his little sister. And I think’ – her voice broke a little – ‘that he feels he has a duty to me, too. And I don’t want to be part of his penance.’
    The front door swung open violently, the metal handle crashing against the wall. Both girls jumped. Zac and Dan trudged in, stamping the snow off their boots, bringing with them an arctic blast. Zac closed the door, leaning his full body weight against it in a fight with the wind.
    ‘No sign,’ Dan panted. ‘Can’t see a bloody thing.’
    Natalie sat up, her head in her hands.
    ‘Oh God, what have I done? What have I done?’ She started to whimper. ‘I didn’t mean it, Jesus. I didn’t mean it.’ She looked up at Jen and there was fear in her eyes, genuine panic. ‘What if something happens to him, Jen?’
    ‘Nothing’s going to happen,’ Jen said, keeping her voice as even as she could, attempting to demonstrate a confidence she didn’t feel. ‘He won’t have got far. He’ll be sitting in the car with the heating on, waiting out the storm. There’s a bottle of water in there, there might even be a packet of biscuits. Nothing’s going to happen,’ she said, trying her best to force from her mind visions of collisions with tractors, cars sliding off the mountain into the gorge, Lilah lying freezing by the side of the road. In her mind’s eye she kept seeing that spot of blood on the stairs, the one she thought she’d cleaned up and seemed to come back. She got to her feet, went into the kitchen, grabbed a cloth and climbed the stairs, but she could no longer find it.
    She was being ridiculous. There was no omen, and it was perfectly likely that, as she’d said, Andrew, and probably Lilah too, were sitting in her car eating chocolate biscuits and watching the snow fall.
    ‘I’ll make us all some coffee,’ Jen said to her guests, who were standing in the centre of the living room, looking glumly out into the storm. ‘There’s some cake somewhere, I think. Let’s cheer ourselves up. I’m sure they’ll be fine. We’ll probably get a mobile signal back quite soon. Try not to worry too much,’ she said, and turned to go into the kitchen, and at that moment all the lights went out.

 
     
    19 April 1999
    Dear Jen,
    Andrew got your letter yesterday. I can’t tell you how upset he is. I know that you’re very busy, I understand that it’s hard for you to come back to England and to see everyone, I do understand that, but this is our wedding. Surely you can change your plans! Lilah isn’t coming, of course, but Dan will be there; and both my parents and Andrew’s would love to see you. I want to see you.
    But more than that, more than any of that, Andrew wants to see you. Jen, I’m writing to beg you to come, because it will break Andrew’s heart if you’re not there, and I don’t want him broken-hearted on our wedding day. There, I’ve said it. You can think me selfish if you like, but please try also to think about how he will feel if you say no, the message it sends to him. You know how he feels about you, you know how heavy his burden. Please lighten it.
    We miss you terribly.
    With love,
    Nat

Chapter Sixteen

    LILAH HAD NO idea how long it had been since she left the house. It seemed like hours. Despite the cold and the darkness, despite her fear and wet feet, she was feeling oddly cheerful. At least they were moving again. At glacial pace, granted, but moving nonetheless.
    For what seemed like an age, they had been stuck in a snow drift on the side of the road. Andrew, determined to get back to his wife, was adamant that they should turn the car in the road and drive back up to the chalet as soon as possible. And no matter how much she begged, pleaded, cajoled and just plain shrieked at him, he refused to drive her down to the village to the B&B.
    She’d got her way in the end, though. His attempts to do a three-point turn failed miserably: they ended up sliding off the road (fortunately on the mountain, rather than the