The Science of Discworld IV

as, chattering all the time, he carefully took her hand and led her to a table in the garden nearby.
    Marjorie was keen on the concept of politeness, so she said, ‘Excuse me, sir, but I cannot recall your name.’
    ‘Only to be expected, Miss Marjorie Daw. I am told that your disorientation should shortly go away, which of course is why I am taking tea with you here in an environment that is likely to be more salubrious to you than my study; and besides I like the fresh air and trust that you do too. I have a lot to tell you in a short period but – where are my manners? Do you like meringues?’
    He was watching her, still with an innocent expression, and Marjorie drew herself together sufficiently to say cautiously, ‘The crackly ones or the soft ones?’
    Ridcully said, ‘For preference the crackly ones, the ones that crumble and crunch – although the other kind can be brought out if you so wish.’ He handed her a plate of shining meringues, and said, ‘I thought so; you look like a cruncher if ever I saw one. No namby-pamby, fiddly sticky ones for
you
.’
    ‘And how is it, sir, that I suddenly feel so cheerful?’ She paused, suddenly suspicious, remembering the exact-fit clothes. ‘Have you been Googling me?’
    ‘No, madam, because I do not know what googling is – although I may be goggling, of course. And now, in this little oasis of quiet in a noisy world, I would like you to sit down and listen to me. An Archchancellor learns how to read people, and you are a most organised person, extremely well read, amazingly so. I can see that, and a colleague of your profession has assured me of all these things, although of course you will not have met him as yet. Various types of coffee and tea will be here very shortly, but before you say anything, please let me explain – and believe me, dear Miss Daw, it’s going to be a
long
explanation!’
    The outriders of twilight were metaphorically at least putting on their spurs when Ridcully carefully topped up Marjorie’s cup for the last time and said, ‘And there you are, or more accurately,
here
you are; and to answer your first question: yes, we can get you back to Earth; although if you don’t mind I rather prefer the term Roundworld; butthat is of no moment at the moment, as it were, because we do have a problem at the moment, which is appearing to make it impossible to send you back the other way. This hiatus should not take very long, and I do apologise; but there’s a will, and we are looking for the way; as I said, normally we could do this with almost a wave of a hand, but alas, a mechanical problem has caused something of an obstruction.’
    Marjorie drew enough breath for the sentences she was confronting and said, ‘Mister Archchancellor …’
    Ridcully quickly held up a hand and said, ‘Call me Mustrum, if you don’t find that too familiar.’
    She hesitated and said, ‘Very well … Mustrum. I do find you quite unfamiliar, but in a very familiar way.’ She smiled, and added, ‘Of course I am aware of science fiction; and some of it is extremely good. But somehow I don’t think it should work with wizards. For truly, after all, magic isn’t
real
.’ She hesitated again for a moment, and then added, more as a statement than a question, ‘Is it?’

SIX
----
REALITY ISN’T MAGIC

    Is magic real?
    Most of us no longer think that, not even those who are comfortable with supernatural intervention in everyday life. Magic is superstition, unlike entirely sensible beliefs in virgin births or life after death.
    Magic is a human-centred viewpoint. It explains natural events in terms of what people want to happen. Assemble the magical ingredients (which often relate metaphorically to the desired outcome, like a rhino horn to an erection), incant the magic words (words have
power
), and the universe obligingly changes to accommodate your wishes.
    On the whole, we much prefer stories about causes, as they hang together better than magical ones. We like to be told that something happens
because
something else did. You have to be quick on your mental feet to avoid the seductiveness of turtle-pile explanations involving causes all the way back, though. Most of us feel more comfortable when the pile is fairly short.
    Scientists prefer rational, evidence-based causality. Religious people like to rest their short pile of causes on God, which relieves them of the need to look more deeply, just as Hume advised. Ironically, science lies behind