The Trinity Game

this? He sounded a little rattled on the phone.”
    “I don’t know what’s going on with him,” said Daniel, “but I don’t like what I see.” He cleared his throat. “I came back here against orders, burning bridges, and what did I find? A world gone mad, a million worshipers outside Trinity’s door, and Trinity playing it for all it’s worth, raking the money in and bragging about it. He
says
he now believes, and he seems to mean it, but his actions betray him. I don’t know what the hell to do.”
    “People don’t change overnight. He says he’s changing, maybe he is. Maybe it’s another con. You can deal with that disappointment—you’ve done it before—but how would you deal with having walked away, never knowing for sure?”
    They continued up Cherry, turned right onto the redbrick path to Tech Tower. Young men and women sat on the grass, in the shade of old oaks, alone and in groups, with backpacks and laptops and cell phones, studying, joking, flirting.
    Another life. A youth he could’ve had, had he made a different choice.
    “There’s a bench,” said Julia, “let’s sit.”
    He kissed her. Just grabbed her shoulders and kissed her hard on the mouth. She tightened at first, but then softened into him, and their mouths opened and he pulled her closer, pulling their bodies tight.
    It was heaven.
    And heaven tasted like chilidog.
    Julia jerked her head away. “Stop!” She shoved him back, hard. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
    “I—uh, I…You kissed me back.” A lame defense, but it was all he had.
    “
I’m
not a priest! I’m allowed.” She hooked a few long strands of hair with her little finger, moved them out of her eyes and behind her ear. “I refuse to be the reason you break your vows or quit the priesthood or whatever the hell it is you’re thinking of doing.”
    “Yeah, the thing is…I may have already quit the priesthood.”
    “What?”
    He held up a hand. “Not because of you. At least, mostly not. Well, it’s complicated.” Daniel let out a rueful chuckle. “I seem to be saying that a lot these days.” His face grew hot and his throat tightened. His eyes began to well, but he fought it back in time. He blew out a long breath.
    “Talk to me, Danny.”
    “God, I’m…confused. I don’t know where to begin.”
    “Begin anywhere. Just begin.”
    “Know what I wish? I wish we could stop time, just you and me, just for a day…step out of our lives, away from this madness, spend a whole day talking, you know, like we used to.”
    “Time marches on,” she said quietly, mostly to herself. She took his hands in hers. “I care about you, but…if you decide to quit the priesthood, it can’t be
mostly
not about me. It can’t be about me at all.”
    “OK, but you do care about me.” It was all he’d heard.
    “As a
friend
.” Julia drew a sharp breath. “Danny, it was over for us a long time ago. And it’s going to stay over, even if you quit the priesthood. Don’t have any illusions about that.”
    She turned and walked away from him. She didn’t look back.

D aniel sat alone, on top of Stone Mountain, wondering how the world could’ve changed so quickly. He sat for a long time, watching the sun set the sky ablaze. Atlanta in silhouette, skyscraper monoliths left behind by a civilization no longer in existence.
    How could he have been so stupid? All those little signs—the secret smile in her eyes, the lingering of her hand on his, the casual throwaway lines—could they all have just been his projection of his own feelings?
    No. Not after that kiss. OK, so it was the first time he’d kissed any woman since the last time he’d kissed the same woman, fourteen years ago.
    Fourteen years. God, fourteen years. How do fourteen years pass so quickly?
    Anyway. Maybe he wasn’t the most qualified man to judge a kiss, but he was a man, and there was a moment—just as she relaxed, until she broke contact—when the kiss went both ways. In that moment, Julia’s passion was real.
    And that moment felt longer than the last fourteen years of Daniel’s life. Longer, and maybe more significant.
    But then she did break contact, and said:
It was over for us a long time ago. And it’s going to stay over, even if you quit the priesthood. Don’t have any illusions about that.
    No wiggle room in that statement. Goddamnit. It made him feel like he’d swallowed a brick.
    The sun was getting low in the sky. Time to head down. With the highways