The Truth About Faking

grins like always as he watches me, and I have to confess, I kind of like it.
    “Again, you’ll have to take it up with the Hawaiians,” I say, turning off to class.
     
    Mom braids my hair for the luau, this time with two braids on each side just at the top, and I fluff out the rest, very Vogue . She’s finishing up when I hear the doorbell and see Dad walking over to greet my… I guess this is a real date. But the only one. Dad opens the door, and I yelp. Jason’s standing there in what looks like only a grass skirt. Another half-dressed male!
    “Uh…” Dad seems confused. “You must be…”
    “Jason, sir,” he grins, walking into the room. I’m afraid to look, but at the same time, I can’t turn away. Jason’s standing there shirtless in a long grass skirt with a lei around his head. He actually looks kind of hot.
    “That’s some get-up,” Dad says. “Anything under there?”
    “Yes sir,” Jason moves the grass to reveal khaki shorts. I didn’t see them in the darkness of the porch. “I have this, too.”
    He pulls out a Hawaiian shirt and slips it over his bare chest. I feel myself start to breathe again. It’s not such a bad-looking chest he’s covering up, actually. Strictly as an observation, of course.
    “That was for H… Harley,” he finishes, his eyes twinkling at me.
    “What does that mean?” Mom’s eyes are not twinkling. She’s not smiling either as she approaches my fake boyfriend.
    “Oh… Mrs. Andrews?” Jason looks startled, but he recovers quickly and sticks out his hand. “Jason James.”
    “Jason,” Mom shakes his hand, then unceremoniously drops it. “Now why would you show up half-dressed for Harley?”
    “Umm…” Jason looks confused, so I jump in between them.
    “It’s my fault, Mom. I told Jason the guys had to dress like that. I thought he knew I was kidding.”
    “I figured you were,” he says. “It was a joke.”
    Mom doesn’t relax, and I decide against pointing out the whole double-standard going on here. I’d been understanding about her ridiculous skin-cancer on the butt thing.
    “Well, you’re not to be out late,” she says.
    Dad puts his hand on her shoulder. “It’s good to have a sense of humor,” he says.
    But Mom’s still in hyper-protective mode. “Drive carefully.”
    “It’s okay, Mom,” I say. “Jason’s been very ten and two, eyes on the road all week.”
    “Let’s keep it that way,” she says.
    “Home by eleven, kids.” Dad smiles and slides his arm around my mom.
    “Yes, sir,” Jason says.
    I follow him out to his stupid Gremlin.
    “What next, Jason? Jeez.” I fluff my hair again. It’s already getting flat. “Did you really not want to go to the luau after all?”
    “Damn, Harley, your mom’s a total babe!” he finally says. “You could’ve warned me.”
    “What?” He is so unexpected.
    “And your dad had on a priest collar.” He stops and opens my door. “What’s that all about?”
    “He’s the pastor at First Prez,” I say, getting in the Gremlin. “You didn’t know that?”
    “Nuh uh.” Jason closes my door and jogs around. “I didn’t know what to say when your mom walked over. I was thinking she looked just like…”
    “Pocahontas?”
    “No… I mean, Yeah! That’s better,” he says. “I was thinking of someone else. But Pocahontas is way better.”
    I really don’t feel like talking about this. “Well, get over it. There’s a line.”
    “What?”
    “A line of guys waiting for her. Take a number.”
    “For your mom?” Jason glances at me. “I’m happy dating you, H.D.”
    “Good ‘cause it gets old.” I look out the window and don’t even bother correcting him.
    Jason’s quiet for a beat. “But they say you should check out the parents of people you date.”
    “Fake date,” I look back. “And who says?”
    “The dating experts. That’s what you’re going to look like when you’re old.”
    “Mom’s not old. And it’s not like we’ll still know each other then anyway.”
    “We might. And it’s good to be prepared.”
    “Don’t get too prepared. This is only for two weeks.”
    He smiles at me. I frown back.
     
    At the luau, Jason and I circle the gym talking to friends and carrying plastic cups with little umbrellas in them. I notice Trent and Shelly arrive and wave at them. Shelly’s gone all out with leis around her wrists and ankles and a grass skirt. Trent’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and he looks so great. I imagine it being me