The Twelve Kingdoms: Shadow of the Moon

don't, he's bound to steal your life away. No?"
    Youko didn't answer. If she continued to lie there and listen, the blue monkey would just repeat itself over and over. These were her anxieties. The monkey appeared in order to reveal them to her. He fed her fears and then gobbled them down. She was sure that was the way it worked.
    Youko turned on her side. The blue monkey smoothly slipped over the covers until its small head rested next to her pillow. He peered at her. "You've got to strike first, before something bad happens. Don't and you'll never survive. Isn't that right, little girl?"
    Youko rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "It doesn't mean that I trust him."
    "Eh?"
    "The way things are now, me not being able to move and all, I can't do anything about it. If I leave before being able to effectively use the sword, I'll just become some youma's next meal."
    Not to mention that the wound to her right hand was severe. Even after a day of pressing the jewel against her hand, she hardly had sufficient strength in her hand to grip the sword.
    "He's going to figure out soon enough that you're a kaikyaku, no? You really think you should be taking it easy like this? Ah, the governor's men could be arriving any second."
    "In that case, I'd let my sword do the talking. If four or five of them came at me, I'd get away with my head intact. I can handle things well enough for that."
    There's no one here I can call an ally.
    But she really needed help now. Until she could properly wield the sword again. Until a bit more of her strength returned. Until then, she needed a safe bed, food and medicine. She didn't know if Rakushun was on her side or not, but at least he was providing what she desperately needed. Until she knew for certain otherwise, she would take advantage of the situation as things stood.
    "He could be poisoning the food, no? How can you be sure that that medicine is really medicine?"
    "I'm taking precautions."
    "And I'm telling you that you'll be outsmarted."
    The blue monkey was venting her doubts and fears. As she answered them one by one it resembled an exercise in self-examination.
    "If he really had in mind to do something to me, he could have done what he wanted when I was unconscious. Even now, even if he wasn't poisoning the food, he would have had any number of chances to kill me."
    "Perhaps he is waiting for something? Waiting for reinforcements, no?"
    "In that case, I'll save what energy I've got till then."
    "In the meantime, he's getting you to trust him. Then he'll turn the tables on you."
    "In that case, until Rakushun shows his hand, I'll keep on pretending to trust him."
    The monkey burst into bright laughter. "Look at you, growing a backbone all of a sudden!"
    "I have figured a few things out."
    Like the fact that she had no friends, no allies. The fact that she had no place to go, no home to return to. The fact that she was completely on her own. Nevertheless, she had to stay alive. A life without friends, a life with no place to call her own, yes, it sucked being her. But if everyone in this world wanted her dead, then she wouldn't die. And if no one in her old world wanted her back, then she'd go back anyway.
    She wasn't giving up. No way was she ever giving up. She was going to live. She was going to find Keiki. She was going home. It made no difference whether Keiki was friend or foe. If he was her enemy, even if he threatened her, she'd make him take her back.
    "And what will you do when you get home?"
    "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."
    "Better to just cash in your chips right now, no?"
    "If no one gives a crap about me, then at least I'll give a crap about myself."
    "That rat's going to betray you."
    Youko turned and looked at the monkey. "If I don't trust him, then he can't betray me."
    It would have been better, of course, if she had figured this out earlier. She was a kaikyaku. That's why she was hunted. A kaikyaku could count on no one. There was no place a kaikyaku could call safe ground. If she had understood even that much, she wouldn't have been duped by Takki and Matsuyama. She wouldn't have been so ready to trust and been so easily betrayed. When it came to staying alive, she would use the appearance of trust to get what she needed out of people. That was the better strategy to follow.
    Take advantage of people who could be taken advantage of. It wasn't the most ethical approach to life. Takki and Matsuyama had taken advantage of her to try and make themselves a