The Twisted Root

profoundly unladylike. She would despise herself afterwards, and more important, he would never look at her in the same way again. He would hear her words in his ears every time he looked at her face. Even in moments of tenderness, when she most fiercely desired his respect, the ugliness would intrude.
    "All right, it wasn’t a very good idea," she conceded. "But it isn’t the only one ! "
    He looked up at her in some surprise, not for her words in themselves but for the meekness of them.
    She knew what was in his mind, and blushed the more hotly. This was ridiculous and most irritating.
    "I wish I could help her," he said gently. "But I know of no way, and neither do you. Leave it alone, Hester. Don’t meddle."
    She regarded him steadily, trying to judge how surely he meant what he said. Was it advice or a command?
    There was no anger in his face, but neither was there any hint that he would change his mind. It was the first time he had forbidden her anything that mattered to her. She had never before found it other than slightly amusing that he should exercise a certain amount of authority, and she had been quite willing to indulge him. This was different. She could not abandon Cleo, even to please Monk. Or if it came to the worst, and it might, even to avoid a serious quarrel with him. To do so would make it impossible to live with herself. All happiness would be contaminated, and if for her, then for him also. How would she explain that to him? It was the first real difficulty between them, the first gulf which could not be bridged by laughter or a physical closeness.
    She saw the shadow in his face. He understood, if not in detail, then at least in essence.
    "Perhaps you could enquire," he suggested cautiously. "But you will have to be extremely careful or you will make things worse. I don’t imagine the hospital authorities will look on her kindly."
    It was retreat, made gracefully and so discreetly it was barely perceptible, but very definitely a retreat all the same. The rush of gratitude inside her was so fierce she felt dizzy. A darkness had been avoided. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him, feel the warmth and the strength of his body next to hers, the touch of his skin. She almost did, until intelligence warned her that it would be clumsy. It would draw attention to his retreat and that would be small gratitude for it. Instead she lowered her eyes.
    "Oh, yes," she said gravely. "I shall have to be very careful indeed-should I make any enquiry. Actually, at the moment I can’t think of anything to ask. I shall merely listen and observe... for the time being."
    He smiled with the beginning of satisfaction. He was aware of her gratitude to him, and she knew he was. It was even a sense of obligation for the immense weight lifted, and he knew that also. She could either be annoyed or see the funny aspect of it. She chose the latter, and looked at him, smiling.
    He smiled back, but only for a moment. It was still delicate ground.
    She prepared dinner: cold ham and vegetables, and hot apple pie with cream. Sitting at the table and sharing it with considerable pleasure, she asked him a little more about Miriam and the Stourbridge family.
    He obviously considered hard before answering, and waited several minutes, eating the last of his pie and accepting a second serving.
    "All the facts I know seem to mean nothing," he said at last. "They have made Miriam more welcome than one might have foreseen, considering that she has no money or family connections and she is to marry their only son. Everything I can observe supports their assertion that they are fond of her and accept that she is the one woman who can make him happy. Whether she will give him an heir or not. But she is young enough."
    "But she did not have any children in her marriage to Mr. Gardiner," Hester pointed out. "That would make the possibility less likely."
    "I am sure they have considered that." He took more cream, pouring it liberally over the pie and eating with unconcealed pleasure.
    She watched with relief. She was still an unconfident pastry cook, and she had had no time even to look for a woman to come in during the days. It was something she really must attend to, and soon. A well-ordered domestic life was halfway not only to Monk’s happiness but to her own. She did not wish to have to spend either time or emotional energy upon the details of living. She would make enquiries tomorrow— unless, of course, she was too